seher

scorpio season feels.

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note: this post is directly pulled from my 11/3/21 email newsletter without edits. this time, as a bonus, this blog post will include my awareness practice section, which is typically reserved exclusively for newsletter subscribers (subscribing is currently free!). if you would like to receive my weekly note in your inbox along with additional sections and features not included here, you can join my email community.

last time, we began a series introducing my new offering: 1:1 astrocartography sessions!

learn more about how these sessions work and book an astrocartography reading here.

this time, my note is relatively short, and my prime invitation is for you to dig into the scorpio season themed awareness practice prompts later in this email.

what is scorpio season?

depth. passion. power. intimacy. mystery. intensity. courage. magnetism. rebirth. release.

who is scorpio season?

raw. real. soulful. perceptive. psychic. independent. original. sharp. outspoken. clever. candid. honest.

why is scorpio season?

this alchemical time asks us to surrender to the undercurrents of life and to stare our deepest selves straight in the face. ruling the sign of scorpio is the planet pluto, which is often experienced as confronting and sometimes even burdensome— but only ever to call us more firmly into our power and rebirth us into the witnessing of a more honest self.

but like, what the fuck, seher?

i know. it's kind of the most. for me right now, scorpio and pluto are definitely like, “bitch, hi.”— more precisely as a cacophony of varied chaos and grief that i guess are asking me to surrender and release and get clear or whatever. so rude.

but this is how we grow and find more meaning in our joy, right?

so that's why i got all the awareness prompts for you— to meditate on, deep dive into, let marinate in the back of your mind, reflect on, converse about, or throw in the trash (only to later pull out a crumpled piece of email at the exact right moment, and finally be like, “aha!”).

here's to fortitude and agile flow in riding deep and sometimes turbulent waters. and here's to the unique peace and wisdom found when we allow our pain and our shadows tender loving space.

awareness practice.

1. your truth.

which parts of your true self do you have trouble owning and accepting?

where are you not speaking or embodying your truth? how has this been hurting you? what would it look like to stand boldly in whatever it is you have to say and whoever it is that you are— and own it? how would that feel?

imagine your most authentic self. who are you? what is it you stand for? how do you look, feel, think, and move? what do you want? what do you do? what will you not do?

what helps you feel most embodied in your authentic self?

2. facing it.

which parts of yourself or your life do you avoid excavating and taking an honest look at? why?

how have you been lying to yourself or others? are you ready to tell the truth? what might that look like?

which areas of your life could benefit from some radical honesty— whether to yourself or others? what do you need to get more raw and real about in your life?

what’s something you keep trying to ignore but won’t go away? what if you stared it right in the face this time? told it: “let’s go!”? what would that look like? and how might confronting this thing free you?

is there a part of your shadow or darkness that particularly scares or intimidates you? what if you offered this part of you some deep, tender love?

what in your life needs to die in order to create space for the new?

3. desire + risk.

what, specifically, is it that you most deeply desire? what, if anything, is keeping you from this?

what is the one thing that you most earnestly dream about for your life? how would it feel to promise yourself that you’re going to make this happen and believe your own hype?

if you could release the one thing holding you back in your life, what would it be? what’s the first step you can take to make this happen?

what would happen if that one goal you keep procrastinating you finally made a priority?

what’s a meaningful risk you’ve been hesitant to take? how would your life be different if you took this bet on yourself? how would even the simple act of giving yourself this chance impact your relationship with yourself?

4. power.

what is your relationship to power? do you judge it? hide from it? resent it? test it? spar with it?

how do you diminish and undercut your own power? what’s one thing you can start doing today to take your power back?

who would you be if you were fully in your power? how would a balanced and grounded embodiment of power express through you?

5. intimacy.

what can you do to deepen presence and intimacy with yourself? your relationships? with life itself?

6. muse.

if you could pick a scorpio muse to help you embody your unique passion, power, and magnetism— who would it be?

how astrocartography came into my life

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note: this post is directly pulled from my 10/21/21 email newsletter without edits. if you would like to receive my weekly note in your inbox along with additional sections and features not included here, you can join my email community.

i know. it's been a minute. a three-months-long minute. life. a lot of life, life-ing. you already know.

i missed you and am very glad to be back in action with our weekly-ish situationship <3

tl;dr // your girl is offering 1:1 astrocartography readings publicly for the first time! you can learn more about these sessions and book a reading here.

some years ago, amidst what would become a decade in brooklyn, i found myself itching for the experience of living in a new city. it’s not that i felt done with new york, but i wanted a new experience. the question of where my next place was didn’t feel easy to answer, though; everywhere i had visited up until that point felt nice to visit but didn’t quite resonate in terms being somewhere i wanted to live. add to that, that there wasn’t really any specific place i felt clearly called to explore;

ask me where i wanted to travel to next, and i could throw out twenty different cities that i felt equally open to and curious about. i didn’t have a “paris” or dream city in mind;

and while on one end openness and flexibility can be very liberating, in this situation, my total lack of direction felt super confusing and frustrating. i’d tell people, “i want to try another place to live, but i’m going to have to travel a bit more to figure out where that might be.” the issue there became that i just didn’t have the capacity or funds to bounce around and travel like that to explore new cities.

it was just so weird. any time i checked in with my spirit about where i felt called to home-wise, all i could come up with was new york. yet simultaneously, i felt deeply intuitively called to embark on a new adventure, even if it were to be by virtue of a second home in addition to nyc. as confounding as this tension and lack of clarity was, i couldn’t shake these feelings and they continued to stay with me for years. not knowing what to do, i just sat with the discomfort, hoping one day an answer or a sign in the right direction would come.

enter astrocartography. in summer 2017, i had the opportunity to photograph the astrotwins’ personal astrology retreat in tulum. during one of their lectures, they in passing mentioned a lesser known type of astrology called astrocartography— the astrology of place. i was like, “um, excuse me? you telling me that astrology can tell me what kinda vibes i might catch at different places all around the world? do you understand that you may have just solved my entire life with this offhand remark? do you even know?”

it was the clue that i’d been quietly waiting for.

so i went to the free astrocartography site they suggested and entered in my birth data (birth date, birth time, birth place). and it generated this wild ass visual with zillions of longitudinal lines across the world map. these lines represented the various energies available to me in different places.

so many vibes. all the vibes.

in its full glory, my astrocartography map looked like the image below. my brain basically overheated and melted when i first saw it.

it. is. a. lot.

a lot, a lot.

like, it’s almost disrespectful.

but also, omg, so much juicy info when you learn how to break down how this shit works!!

astrocarto.png

some of you might recognize the glyphs at the top of the screen capture as astrological planetary symbols. for the rest of y’all, you wanna know what the entire fuck is happening here, huh?

in astrology, each planet holds a unique set of qualities and presides over different themes in our lives. in astrocartography, each line on your personal map represents one of these planetary energies.

for example, the pink line on this map is for jupiter, which relates to joy, expansion, wisdom, and multiculturalism, amongst other things. the dark green line is for venus, which speaks to relationships, romance, the arts, and beauty. the black line with the “P” symbol is for pluto, which is all about death and rebirth, transformation, alchemy, and power. the light green line is for mercury, which represents how we think and communicate (speaking, writing) as well as our more mentally oriented psychic senses and intuitions. other planets covered on our map include saturn, mars, neptune, uranus, chiron, north node, moon, and sun.

the simplest and most straightforward way we can explore your astrocartography map is to pick a city that is calling to you or that you’re curious about (could even be your current city!) and then check out what planetary lines are running near that place. the story told by the energies of these lines will then tell you what you can potentially expect to experience there!

there are many more ways you can gain insights from astrocartography, which i’ve broadly outlined on my site, if you’re curious. you can also stay tuned to this space, as i’ll soon be further illustrating the various types of questions you can explore using this art form.

so what happened after i nearly passed out from overwhelm upon first seeing my map? obsession. pure unadulterated obsession. my virgo sun, virgo mercury, scorpio moon ass stuck the fuck with it until i understood what was what and was no longer overwhelmed.

and naturally, i now have a very systematic yet fluid way in how i approach readings. over the years, i have pored probably over a hundred hours on my own map as well as the maps of people in my immediate community. i also took a course and did a little reading, but to be honest— my readings are primarily intuitively led, which both i and my clients actually love.

soooo, yeah. a whole fun journey! a journey about journeys! i’m super excited to share this practice with you :)

i really love seeing how people light up at just how fascinating and eerily on point this work can be. it can be a really beautiful affirmation for intuitive hunches you may have about given places and can also help contextualize your life in a way that just makes things easier to digest. often, i find there’s a sweet comfort that astrocartography can bring.

i hope we'll get to share in that sweetness together sometime.

 

when clients try to shame you for asserting your price or terms

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note: this post is directly pulled from my 7/16/21 email newsletter without edits. if you would like to receive my weekly note in your inbox along with additional sections and features not included here, you can join my email community.

in my view, shame is most often— if not always— a manipulation tool we’ve inherited from our oppressors. as a tactic, it functions to defer our own weight onto others when we see no other option, when we know no other way; so out of desperation, we adopt a way that is reckless, impulsive, and uncompassionate. a reflection on the various ways we employ and experience shame is a note for another day, though. in the meantime, holler at brené brown, whose research also happens to indicate that shame is an ineffective tool for long term change.

today, i want to continue the conversation from last time on honoring our contributions and being unabashed in naming our price. this time from the perspective of when people try to shame you for stating your price or outlining your terms because they think it’s too much or that you don’t deserve it.

for those of you who may be experimenting with asking for more at work or asserting any variety of your needs and wants in life, your journey may well include people who inadvertently project their limitations onto you in interest of “teaching” or “protecting” you. these people may include friends, family members, clients, colleagues, acquaintances, public figures, teachers. they may want to instruct you on:

  • the extent of your personal worth

  • the ceiling of your work’s value

  • what you should or should not ask for

  • what you are and are not ready for

  • where you should be more “humble”

  • where you should expect less

  • where you should put your head down and be grateful

  • where you should be silent

  • where you should limit your needs and wants

while often well intentioned and perhaps even holding grains of truth, these are not assessments others get to make for us. and to be real, a lot of workplace and industry norms are toxic as fuck. so bye.

yes, be actual humble. yes, don’t be an entitled ass. yes, some things take time and experience.

but also, i’ll take my standards without shame, thank you. and— don’t prescribe your reality onto mine.

then! then there are the people who are somehow threatened by you standing in your worth— often subconsciously. and they will knowingly or unknowingly be very mean as a result.

what follows are four vignettes from across my ten years as a photographer when people tried to shame me for asserting my price or terms.

2009. the party promoter friend.

within the first year of me shooting, i became a regular photographer for a friend’s party. after successfully shooting their first two or three parties for free or no more than $50 (my memory isn’t the best), i had a meeting with him to discuss making me the party’s resident photographer and to negotiate a new fee.

when i stated my price, which i felt was reasonable— probably something like $200-300 for four or five hours of shooting— my friend scoffed. he said they could get a photographer from the fader magazine to shoot the party for free or very little.

i honestly can’t remember if i agreed to his shit price and if i kept shooting the party or not. but i do remember that i smelled the manipulation from a mile away; if he loved the fader photographer so much, why wasn’t he talking to them instead? i also knew that he was name dropping a photographer from a popular magazine in attempts to shame a newbie photographer like me who he thought shouldn’t have dared to ask for more than a few more pennies.

i remember leaving that meeting thinking less of that friend instead of myself. 

2012. the musician.

i was elated when someone whose music i loved happened to catch wind of my photography and said he wanted to work together one day. a couple years later, he came to my town to shoot with me. because he didn’t have a financial budget, we agreed on a barter situation with somewhat of an open-ended timeline for his part.

when something like a year passed and we hadn’t had as much as a follow-up meeting to discuss his end of the barter (after a few attempts on my end), i reached out to ask about his planned timeline to publish the photos as the project he initially wanted to use them for kept getting delayed. since we hadn’t made traction on completing our exchange, i was hoping to at least be able to use the images in my portfolio sooner than later and emailed to ask what he thought about that.

after radio silence from him for several months and assuming i’d been brushed off, i emailed him again to let him know that i’d be publishing a few of the photos to my website. while understandable that he was upset about me making a unilateral decision about the photos, he took his frustration as an opportunity to tell me how long he’d been in business and that i didn’t have the resume to dictate the terms of an agreement. more than anything, this felt like a hollow, cheap blow.

he also made a point to offer character assessments about me and tell me that he ‘didn’t like me anyway.’ kind of like when a child gets mad and then tells the other person, “well, you’re ugly!”

regardless of any merits his side of the story may have held, i remember being so put off by the idea that one has to have a certain kind of resume or seniority in order to have a right to assert their standards, terms, or needs. it’s antiquated bullshit that i’ll never get with.

my work was good enough to take his photo but my resume wasn’t good enough to assert what i wanted? does not compute.

2017. the girl boss startup founder.

i met this brilliant lady founder at a women’s community space; she looked at my work on her phone on the spot and was immediately impressed; making a point to emphasize how picky she was, her history in advertising, and how exceptional my work was. i appreciated being seen in that way and felt we had really established a mutual sense of respect and good will. so when she later suggested we shoot her new campaign together, i was all about it.

early in our meeting, it became quite clear that she didn’t have much of a budget. and because i was such a fan of her, her brand, and her creative direction, i was down to do the shoot as a portfolio project and to help build a relationship with her.

i told her to not worry about budget and to just walk me through the parameters of the project. throughout, she kept trying to press me about price and i kept telling her that even if we did the shoot for free or at cost, i’d be down— i just wanted to build and collaborate.

finally, when she kept pushing, i relented. i told her that my actual fee would be in the tens of thousands of dollars, but that i could give her some sort of stipend rate if she was insisting on paying me something. i probably gave her a figure anywhere from $1000-5000.

just like my friend in 2009, she scoffed and said something like, “i have a photographer who’s shot for vogue do my campaigns for $500.” never mind that vogue is known to rarely pay their photographers or often pays shit when they do. also, when i researched later, i came to find that said photographer shot for teen vogue (which is an incredible publication, but that’s besides the point here).

this woman went out of her way to try and make me feel ashamed for naming a heavily discounted rate that she repeatedly insisted i offer. after i’d already said i’d shoot for free. what are people— really? don’t take the bait, bb’s! sometimes people who you think should know better, people you think are comrades, people you look up to— are also supremely basic.

2019. the artist.

this one was avoidable and definitely a lesson for me. a client wanted some portraits for an upcoming project. simple enough. but their usage needs for the photos were new for me and required that i research the appropriate licensing fees. because the client had limited information available on some usage parameters i’d requested, it became harder to come up with my fee and delayed my pricing process.

in the meantime, because i was really excited about this person and was really rooting for their work, i began planning conversations about the shoot with them in good faith— before finalizing the price. i also gave them much more of my time than i normally would have because i felt a certain kinship with this person and really wanted to support them.

where i really messed up is when i agreed to schedule the shoot without having finalized the price. i made clear over the phone and also in writing that i’d take a deposit to cover the shoot time and then be in touch about the per image licensing fee asap. they agreed.

because i wanted to— i took my time with the shoot (more than they’d paid for), offered them food, and even chatted with them in my home for a couple hours after the shoot.

when i ultimately sent over my per image licensing rates, they were appalled and told me they’d already paid in full. they informed me they’d spoken with a lawyer friend and seemed to be threatening legal action. somewhere in there was also a phone conversation where they basically yelled at me and insulted me. and, naturally, the legal information they obtained about copyright was false— photography copyright law is much more nuanced than people, including lawyers, realize.

nonetheless, they decided to use their working understanding of copyright to slight my work—insinuating that a photo was just a photo and not actually art. and that therefore i didn’t have an artist’s rights over my own work. cute.

the way this person went from 0-100 felt like a trauma response related to something much deeper. something that had nothing to do with me. so i decided that de-escalation and removing myself from the situation as swiftly as possible was the wisest course of action. so that’s what i did. i think i might have even refunded them their money because i wanted a clean break from their energy.

my lesson: never start on a project before fully confirming the rate and terms. even if you think you’re friendly.

the takeaway.

interesting to note is that each of these people held at least one, if not several marginalized identities— some of which we shared— and yet still felt compelled to try and knock me down a couple notches. our internalized oppression and trauma responses are really something, y’all.

even though these folks tried their best to pull me down, i never let their manipulations convince me that my work was worth less.  despite being someone who often questions myself, i tend to hold the line when i’m in business mode. i don’t fully know why, but it is what it is. maybe it’s an exercise in trying to remind myself that i am worthy, even if i don’t always believe it— an attempt to work from the outside in.

these instances, instead of being about me, are about the limited imaginations and/or insecurities of others. they illustrate how people will sometimes resort to consciously or unconsciously causing harm to others in order to preserve their own egos and maintain a certain sense of security.

people can have a hard time seeing others win in ways they deep down question they ever could; the audacity to stand in your worth can feel like an affront, so they project their shame and unresolved sense of inadequacy onto you.

some people can only feel up when others are down, as they say.

“how dare this rookie make demands when i never did? when my idols and mentors never did?”

that’s on them— not you.

their shame is not yours. cancel that noise.

asking is the first rule of negotiation: women, femmes, creatives, and people of color need to do it better.

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NOTE: this post is directly pulled from my 7/1/21 email newsletter without edits. if you would like to receive my weekly note in your inbox along with additional sections and features not included here, you can join my email community.

a couple weeks ago, i spoke on holisticism’s money & spirituality panel for their summer solstice festival. while i don’t have the most to say about the relationship between money and spirituality, i can sometimes have a lot to say about the variety of ways that creatives, women, and femmes— particularly those of color— grossly undervalue themselves. and that hits me on a spiritual level.

as a creative who is fortunate enough to have some solid business skills, witnessing how we often play ourselves and get played at work tends to bring up a lot for me. so let’s go ahead and get this part clear up front: unabashedly claiming your space and worth in this world, including at work, is actually spiritual as hell. and that’s what we’re touching on today— specifically from the perspectives of negotiation and monies.

i shared on the panel that while accessible pricing is one important mindful money consideration, so is making sure that overall you’re getting paid well for the value you offer— and not underestimating what that might be worth in dollars. if you don’t assert your worth, no one else will do it for you. as i first learned in business school and later confirmed as an entrepreneur who hires other creatives, women and femmes often settle for way too less, way too often. add to that if you’re a person of color? that “play small” program, which itself is a machination of systemic oppression, is a tough ride.

but we're not going to hold onto that shit. we are throwing that shit in the trash and taking back our agency wherever we can, the best we can. please and thank you.

after observing how my college negotiations class interacted with each other, i developed a hunch that women negotiated differently than men and decided to write my class paper on the topic. come to find out, there was a whole ass book about it called women don’t ask. the essential premise is that women are generally conditioned to be agreeable, deferential, polite, unburdensome, etc— and for that reason, women often don’t even think to ask for what they want.

the first rule of negotiation? ask. if you don’t ask, you can almost count on not receiving what you’re looking for. the bigger find: you’d be surprised how often simply asking results in you getting what you want— or at least something close to it. though the book is fairly redundant, i recommend the read if you feel like you need a pep talk to build up your courage to ask for what you want and need in any area of life. and with that, here’s a personal anecdote to inspire you to ask for what you deserve more often:

a couple years ago, i was asked by a women’s community space to host a 5-6 hour event meant to celebrate the season premiere of a major network tv show. i was also to devise and lead a mini workshop and introduce a big name keynote speaker for the event. there would be food and drinks and sound baths, too— the works. they offered me $500.

understanding the scope of the event, that there was a major brand partner and speaker involved, and various frills to make the event fancy, i knew there had to be more money involved. given that they reached out to me last minute, i knew there was a possibility they had potentially tried to go for a more well known host than me and ran out of budget to afford them. i also knew they probably thought that the average person would be thrilled at the opportunity alone and that the $500 would just feel like icing on the cake. 

even though i hadn’t done a gig quite like this before, i knew i’d do it well and used my general sense of hourly rates across industry to come up with a figure. an aside: as someone who works across functions and industries, i’ve found that to a certain degree, any kind of high quality skilled work when you’re a contractor or solopreneur can be roughly distilled to a broad median hourly rate; offhand, i’d put that range at $200-1000/hr. you can also use these figures as a consideration when calculating a flat rate or any kind of rate. so, straight-faced, i sent them an email countering with $3000. they came back and offered me $2500— five times the initial rate.

though such a stark jump in rate is rare for me, this was not the first or last time i received a multiple of what i’d initially been offered after simply asking. i’m talking 2x and 3x. on the smaller but still very significant side, after politely countering with a higher fee range, i recently received about 40% above the initial client offer for a project i’m currently amidst. and for y’all in college, i took an initial $15/hr offer for a summer internship and made it a $30/hr offer after demonstrating my case for why i thought my credentials and experience warranted a higher rate. in the end, undergrad me ended up beating out MBA students from prestigious institutions for the gig, too.

it’s important to note that sometimes our ask needs to come with some client education; for example, a thoughtful explanation of everything you’re offering and pulling back the curtain on all that goes into your work can often be helpful. but for that hosting gig i shared about, i didn’t need to explain— the client probably knew they were being cheap and they also knew i’d been a great facilitator for other events in their space.

the morals of this story:

  • trust that many clients and employers will try to play you on rates and wages because they’ve gotten away with it many times over with other folks who didn’t know what they can and should be paid.

  • if you’re a person of a marginalized identity of any sort, it’s often likely that at least some sort of implicit bias is going to come into play with what kind of offer you get. the same applies if you’re working with private clients who may also be subconsciously primed to believe your work is worth less (even if the conscious part of them totally doesn’t believe that!). i say: let’s un-prime ‘em and recondition folks who have the means to, to pay us better.

  • allow yourself to imagine something bigger and/or better for yourself, even if it feels foreign or awkward. step outside of yourself and play a role if you need to. pretend your work and the value it offers were ascribed to a friend; witness the exquisite magic of that work and really meditate on the time, effort, and wisdom that was required to bring that work forth. how much could or should that friend (that is you!) charge?

  • don’t believe whack ass quotes as a reflection of what your work is worth; *you* know the real answer here. even though it can sometimes take time to get paid what you believe you deserve, don’t let anyone decide that amount for you.

  • don’t be afraid to ask! don’t be afraid to be brazen! particularly when you feel you have a well reasoned rationale and when that big ass number feels right to your spirit and settles nicely in your gut.

i hope you’ve found some medicine here. <3

taking credit for our gifts

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my virtues
are not merits
i have personally derived;
they are gifts.

people have often told me how they admire how self aware i am and how committed i am to “doing the work.” sometimes as they marvel in awe. there was a time where i pridefully took all credit for this. but as i evolved in my overall awareness, i realized that self awareness and doing the work are largely not a choice for me— it is how i am wired. these are tools and gifts that i have been given.

it dawned on me that the way “ignorance is bliss” for some, ignorance usually results in sheer torture for me; my hyper self awareness persists through all seasons, regardless of what my ego wants. being aware and tuned to the vibration of truth— often painfully so— is my default.

and so, my self-work is often the result of my desperate attempt to resolve some ever present suffering i’ve been unable to silence and suppress. and even when i do succeed at some version of suppression, the truth remains in the back of my mind along with deep unhappiness.

simultaneously, i recognize that i get to take credit for rising to the challenge and making the decision to do the work. because even despite my nature, i can still decide to opt out; there is plenty of work i trade for the familiar comfort of my suffering; these are my edges, i’m working on them— also often by eventual force and compulsion.

the universe ultimately always kicks my ass out of my limiting habituation— just as it is in this new decade. much death is happening to make way for a rebirth i’ve been hiding from for the last few years.

all this to say: often what we pridefully claim as our self-derived virtues are actually gifts. these gifts are here to help us realize our full potential so we can be of service. not so we can be delusional, self-important, holier than thou assholes. i ain’t special. i just got some tools (that i have a complicated relationship with) for the purpose of my soul mission, which, by the way, isn’t even about me— it’s about us.

what if's, avoidance, and magic.

in ,

what if your avoidance

of what if’s

is keeping you from the magic

of the unknown?

does continuing to stuff yourself into an uncomfortable but familiar box still work well enough for you?

how much energy is it taking you to keep contorting yourself for that damn box that you don’t even like?

over, and over, and over.

how much are you willing to give up to insist on half-living your life?

how much are you willing to let fear rule you in exchange for fleeting senses of security?

it’s exhausting to keep trying to tape shit back together, yeah?

you don’t know what you don’t know; take a leap into the infinity of the unknown, remembering that from nothingness is all else born.

roll the dice. go higher. go left instead of right. blow up the comfortable shit that makes you small.

do it for the you of your dreams.

the you that you don’t fully believe exists but really just might.

treat it as a radical experiment. you don’t have to believe yet to try.

it's just practice.

in ,

sometimes what seems like

the main event

is just meant to be practice.

much is coming undone in order to show us what’s underneath. things that were likely always there— things we didn’t want to see, weren’t able to see. things somehow withheld from our view.

death and rebirth are extending us a grand invitation; one that requires our active participation in both dying and birthing/being.

grieve your old paradigm.
recognize its place in your path.
then, let go.
let go.
let go.

forget all stories, norms, beliefs, declarations, and defaults about you and your life.

retire the operating principles you’ve been holding true as a matter of course, without question.

imagine you, your mind, your history a clean slate.

you are reborn with every new breath.

anything can happen from here.

when the shine is triggering

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it's not always because of a judgment against you;

sometimes they are triggered by your light.

sometimes we think we know why we’re mad but we’re just... hella wrong.

sometimes we can’t help but assess people through the lens of our pain and feelings of inadequacy.

so sometimes when a glimmer feels hard to come by, we end up feeling hurt when we see someone else shining. this often subconscious trigger might come with a whole slew of very convincing stories and judgments we then make up about that person.

if this is you, keep perspective and take some space. allow others their right to be well while also being super gentle and honest with yourself. this actually isn’t about them at all. you know this. excavate. what’s missing for you? what do you actually need? give that to yourself. remember that this trigger is wholly about your relationship with you.

and if you’re the one in your light with folks acting funny around you: be compassionate with both yourself and others. while it might seem like these people are judging you, they are most likely only judging themselves (whether or not they realize it). examine if your own triggers are showing up here as well— perhaps around needs for approval and belonging. if you felt impacted in any way, also inquire about how that connects with where you’re at with boundaries— physically, emotionally, energetically.

big hugs. we all deserve our own light. sometimes reconnecting with it is a thing. sometimes keeping it is a thing. that’s okay. it’s okay. all our experiences are okay.

slow suicide

in , , , , ,

chronically delaying gratification
is akin to waiting for death;
if you're still breathing,
remember that you deserve happiness
right now.

i’m really good at this.

“i’ll be happy when…”

“i’ll let myself have fun after…”

“i’ll hang out with people once…”

“i’ll give myself some credit upon the completion of…”

…this ever-elusive constantly shifting benchmark.

i certainly don’t have this figured out but fuck this whole entire shit, really. i can’t remember how she put it, but in her memoir, shonda rhimes basically described not really living life as ‘slow suicide.’ sadly, i relate. it’s been a challenge i’ve had most of my life.

inevitably, i think about this idea in relation to now. it feels even more relevant. but there’s probably a split-mindedness for a lot of us:

“right now is the time to put in work to survive, it isn’t the time to find joy. i don’t have the space or the luxury.”

“i don’t know what’s what, so maybe all i can give myself right now are little joys. wait, is that frivolous and privileged and irresponsible?”

i’m going to get morbid now, so bear with me if you can, because i’m going to bring it all together for our higher good.

in the beginning, i followed the news for covid a lot and then mostly stopped because it got overwhelming. one thing i found in my initial research that has become increasingly clear along the way is this: the virus is unlike anything we’ve seen and as much as we think we understand it, in many ways we don’t. we are constantly learning new, often paradoxical things about the virus, who’s at risk, its prevention, its treatment.

‘it’s spread by respiratory droplets. uh, it’s also airborne. oh yeah, so, you can also bring it inside with your shoes.’

‘build up your immunity— wait— but not too much because your immune system might attack itself while fighting off the virus (cytokine storm).’

‘it’s really only affecting folks 50-60+ and people with pre-existing health conditions— younger folks, children, and pregnant women should be cool. jk, this virus could put anyone in critical or fatal condition and we’re not sure how or why.”

‘take ibuprofen to treat your symptoms— actually, hold on— it could make things worse.’

‘liquor stores are an essential business. so yeah, alcohol might aggravate the virus.’

we’re all vulnerable. this virus could quite literally kill any one of us and there’s only so much we can do about it from a physical standpoint. with all the incomplete and shifting information, we’re somewhat left to our own intuition and devices when deciding on appropriate care for ourselves. science is crucial but it’s got its work cut out for it at the moment.

the material realm is showing us its limits. for me personally, there is no greater signal to tap into the unseen for strength and wisdom. there is no greater call to surrender control while simultaneously reclaiming our sovereign power as truly magical beings.

part of that magic is practicing expanding our view to transcend the 3d reality sometimes, if we can. not in a spiritual bypass kind of way, but in a grounded and self-empowered way: holding the severity of this situation in sight while also knowing that you are a miracle— periodT— and contain infinite possibility.

it’s beyond heartbreaking right now. but here we are. still here. we are the lucky ones. let’s not take that for granted, if at all possible. part of our magic is that we can create more magic, joy, love, health from dust. from nothingness. because it is what we are. we are allowed the magnificence of ourselves at anytime, every time, regardless of the circumstances of our lives. you are allowed to be happy right now— even if a split second is all you can muster.

gratitude?

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you know how everyone’s been talking about being mad grateful for what they do have right now? i didn’t really relate— and still don’t always— when folks talk about gratitude. i felt and still sometimes feel shame for ‘being an ungrateful ass.’

here’s the thing: honesty with your emotions is super important right now (and in general). it can be hard to connect with gratitude when you are trying to survive in your own right, when you are ANGRY, when you feel betrayed, confused, resentful, lost, abandoned. by the system, for starters.

some of us are anxious, depressed, barely functional and just trying to hold it together. that’s okay. lovingly and gently witness that without wallowing in it. there is a difference. remain aware, compassionate, and PERSIST. you *will* ultimately move through.

our journeys and feelings that come with are relative to self. always remember that when you try to judge yourself and compare.

gratitude is absolutely a valuable and powerful practice, but if you’re not connecting with it, that is perfectly alright. you can try again later— or not. many paths, y’all.

if you don’t feel gratitude right now, allow the other emotions that are currently present within you to exist. don’t go into shame if you can help it— shame actually happens to be the least supportive emotion. if you’re in shame, witness that compassionately as well. we’ve all been there.

feel like screaming or taking a very long nap or both? i’m tired, too. you’re allowed to be fucking pissed.

anger is a catalyst and can be a turning point if consciously harnessed. anger is also recognized as the beginnings of change on the hawkins scale, which measures the relative energetic frequencies of emotions.

the point is to not *stay* angry or in our lower vibrational emotions. we get to use such emotions instead as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and practice self-compassion. from here, we begin to find our way through— and beyond. to our true selves, to our peace.

love freely, give wisely.

in , ,

love freely, give wisely.

perhaps that it has taken me two weeks to write the post in my head perfectly illustrates one of the sentiments i mean to convey here: if any time is the time to put on your oxygen mask first, it is now.

i am now realizing that i used the ‘oxygen mask’ phrase in my post from exactly a month ago. overlapping concepts between then and now, infinite vantage points. i don’t think it’s a mistake that we return to such spaces.

you are not less for being unable and/or unwilling to give right now. you are managing a lot— yes, you. don’t compare. personal challenges are relative to each individual. remember that giving includes giving to yourself. a healthy you is an even more meaningful service to society right now.

while caring for others during crisis can sometimes require personal sacrifice in some way, be mindful of your healthy boundaries when making this calculus. individual capacity, how we give, when we give, if we give— is entirely different for everyone for countless reasons and that’s okay. you don’t owe anyone your reasons, by the way.

giving until or while you are totally spent is not love. giving when you’re out of alignment is not love. giving indiscriminately is not love. giving out of guilt or obligation is not love. giving because you want to be “good” is not love. giving because you think you’re the only one who can save the day is not love. giving with the intention to “fix” somebody is not love. giving to others because you don’t know how to give to yourself is not love.

your love for all beings can be abundant, infinite even, while simultaneously disciplined in its active expression. you feel me?

please, let’s give up our conditioning of piling expectations onto ourselves and others. our ability to love is endless when we have healthy boundaries. practicing discernment in giving is not selfish— it is a wise, boundaried practice. you deserve your own energy. you can genuinely *be* in love with all of creation at all times without always needing to expend.

fill your cup. that, too, is a gift. <3

best practices for getting through to the new york state department of labor phone line from a person who successfully connected with an agent (me)

in , ,

more ui + pua updates, tips, & resources below original post (updated: 4/26/20)

this post has now evolved beyond just resources for calling the department of labor (dol). when you scroll below the original post, you will get lots more detail on the following + more:

  • PUA applicants are starting to move out of pending & have their claims approved

  • many pending PUA applicants saw a mystery $600 from DOL in their bank around 4/24/20

  • a single streamlined application for new PUA applicants who have not yet filled out a pua form

  • a helpful auto-redial app called infinity call for android users

  • a free service that will help expedite new ui apps & have a bot auto-redial for you

  • the new unemployment insurance (ui) application; it is at a different link than the old app

  • tips and resources for getting started with your ui and pua applications

  • information about the new department of labor call-back system

  • facebook groups with lots of evolving resources for unemployment issues

  • notes on utilizing the dol’s online messaging system for select issues

  • notes & tips from my pandemic unemployment assistance (pua) application experience so far

  • highlights on what the grapevine is saying about the pua application approval process

  • ui + pua notes for uber and lyft drivers

  • additional calling and application tips from my community

original post on calling dol (published: 4/8/20)

this is not a pretty, fancy, perfect post. it is meant to be purely functional and hopefully offer helpful information through the lens of my unemployment benefits journey thus far. i know posting this is a bit unceremonious and abrupt with me not having shared much along this ride, but i hope you know i’m doing what i can and try to be in service in little spurts where i’m able. this is that. i hope you are taking care and i am here with you. i’m rooting for us.

  • (updated: 4/10/20) if you’ve lost or are losing your phone service, try google voice. there are a few different ways to use the service, the main way requires an existing phone number to sign up (there are decent hacks around that if you google it).

    • an easier way might be to log into your gmail account and click the telephone icon on the bottom of the left navigation bar (hopefully that shows up for you). then click the “make a call” link that pops up in the box. hopefully that’ll give you a dial pad and toll free numbers are free to call anyway (domestic numbers seem to be free to call, too). for calling numbers outside of the united states, you might need to add credits to your google voice account— rates are quite cheap.

    • i just tested the phone icon gmail method to call my california mobile phone number with $0 in credits and it worked! it did prompt me to sign into google hangouts before the “make a call” dialog popped up— so maybe make sure you’re signed up for that service (it’s free).

  • some people who successfully fill out the traditional UI application online are prompted to call the DOL at 1-888-209-8124 in order to complete their application. this line is jammed up hardcore. the phone line also unfortunately happens to be the only place non-english speakers can file for UI. if you are trying to get through to this phone line for some reason, read on.

  • the DOL number to complete your claim is 1-888-209-8124, save that number in your phone as a contact. when i kept redialing, my phone ended up looking like the image below. then, i could just hit anywhere on the screen to redial— it saved me time from having to tap precisely and it saved my neck from constantly having to look down.

IMG_2036.PNG

  • i called hundreds or probably 1000+ times across 2-hour evening blocks on tuesday and wednesday.

  • i’m quite positive the hours for the phone line are monday through friday, 8am-7.30pm and saturday + sunday, 7.30am-8pm. the publication, eater, confirmed this info on 4/10/20, here.

  • i think most people do not realize these extended hours are available as information is inconsistent. i’m guessing that because of this, i got a higher connection rate post 5pm and connected to the “welcome” recording several times right up until 7.30pm on tuesday. so i’d say 5pm-7.30pm is a good time to call on weekdays. i didn’t try weekends, but i imagine early morning and from 5-8pm is also a good look there. my successful call was at 5.32pm on wednesday, april 8.

  • if you do connect, there are a few recordings i’ve heard: one starts with “you have reached…” with an older male voice, another starts with “we’re sorry…,” and the one you want starts with “welcome…” with a younger male voice. hang up the minute you hear the first word or two of the wrong recording and redial.

  • sometimes the phone will jam up and you won’t even get a busy signal— it’ll be silent. or you’ll hear static, oceany sounds, or rumbling like someone is fiddling to pick up the phone. i’ve found all of those to just be weird technical errors. if you’re hearing silence or weird sounds, hang up and redial. otherwise, you’re burning time waiting for the system to finish tripping up.

  • once you connect to the “welcome” recording, you can hit “1” right away if you speak english or “2” for spanish. i did my best to try to identify the initial prompts for other languages, i could be wrong: “3” for albanian / “4” for russian / “5 or 6” for cantonese or mandarin (couldn’t tell which was which) / “7” korean / “8” for polish, bengali, arabic, french, italian, hindi, vietnamese, urdu, nepali, tagalog / “9” for all other languages.

  • the only prompt you have to wait a while to hit is the second one, “2.” dude talks for like 15-30 seconds during which time i looked at social media or texts. when he starts asking about whether you’re looking for an ‘extension on existing benefits,’ that’s when you can hit “2” amidst him talking. the moment you hear the next voice, you can hit “9.” the moment you hear the voice after that, you can hit “5” (thank you, tom kubik, for this note on fast tracking with “5” to talk with an agent, instead of the “2” to complete your application)

  • to sum up this segment, the prompts most of us will want to hit are: 1, 2, 9, 5. this is meant to get you routed to a human representative you can speak with.

  • at the end of the 1 2 9 5 sequence, there will be a recording about ny being ‘equal opportunity’ etc. when the recording starts talking about ‘needing some info from you,’ you can enter your social security number. sometimes when i did this part too early, it’d jam up. to be safer, you can wait until it begins saying ‘please enter…’ once you’ve entered your social and dude starts repeating it back to you, hit “1” to confirm. after that, you will be prompted for your DOL pin number. after entering your pin, you will be routed to be put on hold.

  • i got to this “holding” point dozens of times and except for the the one time i got through, i always immediately got a message that said the ‘lines were too busy’ and got hung up on. today, it  bypassed the “lines too busy” message and i just got disconnected after being told i’d be put on hold. if you make it through all the prompts and are told at any point that you'll be put on hold, wait it out carefully to see what happens. if you make it to the holding point, do not hang up until the system hangs up on you.

  • when i actually got a real hold, everything sounded the same and i was bracing to be disconnected like before. when the hold was for real, the following new things happened in lieu of me getting disconnected: i was told my wait time (surprisingly 4-9 minutes), got hold music, and some intermittent messages that were like, ‘we apologize for the delay / inconvenience.’

  • more tips on process: use headphones or automatically route your calls to speakerphone so you have one less button to press when constantly redialing. it’s just a quicker, smoother process on speakerphone. if you have an iphone, go to settings > accessibility > touch > call audio routing (scroll to the bottom & select “speaker”). now, all incoming and outgoing calls will automatically happen via speaker. you’re at home all day, so no worries here!

  • if you’re going to be walking around your house getting some movement in while you call, and if you’re planning to call for at least a couple hours in a stretch, connect your phone to a charging pack and put the pack in your pocket. make sure the drawstrings of your sweats are secured nice and tight to accommodate the extra weight :)

  • i looked into auto-redial apps in the apple store and they all look suspect. one thing i did not take time to do was look into desktop software for telemarketers and sales agents. such software might have some auto-redial feature built in so you can actually do other shit while trying to reach DOL. i have nothing to offer here beyond the idea, but you can research it if you want! ‘sales prospecting’ and ‘lead generation’ software might be some additional useful search terms.

tips from my online community on calling dol (updated: 4/8/20)

  • via john ward: “fun fact when you get to the equal opportunity part press ## and it will skip to asking you to input your social”

  • via mark kauzlarich: “If you do get to hold (and like me your hold time was estimated at 80+ minutes) all audio WILL cut out occasionally for 20-30 seconds. I thought maybe someone was on the line, so I said "hello" a few times and nothing happened, then it came back with an apology for the delay and would continue for 20 minutes or so before dead air again. Eventually I did get through.”

an auto-redial app for android users in the google app store (published: 4/18/20)

i came across a post (that i can no longer find) about someone successfully using an android app to auto-redial. the person seemed to have tried other auto-redial apps for android and said an app with “infinity” in the name was the best one in his experience. he used it to connect with dol fairly quickly. a google search is telling me that he was likely talking about the app infinity call. this app also was reported to have quite a few helpful customization settings— i.e. at which cadence to redial, how many redial attempts, etc.

an auto-redial app will keep making the call on your behalf and then notify you in some fashion once the call has successfully connected.

tips on calling dol from nys unemployment issues facebook group (updated: 4/8/20)

  • some people are finding success with calling governor cuomo’s office. after speaking with an aide, some folks are then transferred to a hold queue on the dol phone line. the wait on cuomo’s phone line and dol hold queue can both be long and i’ve heard of folks getting hung up on even then. others are being told by aides that they will receive a call back from someone at dol. so, choose your own adventure. cuomo’s #s: 212-681-4580, 518-474-8390. internet says office hours are monday through friday, 9am-5pm.

  • some people are finding similar success calling their local assembly person. info to find that person for you in the “units” section mentioned earlier. here, they may route you to the hold queue or have someone call you back in a few days. i heard one account about an aide collecting relevant ui application information over the phone or email and sharing it with a dol employee to follow up.

  • along these lines, i’d also consider calling your new york state senator. your united states senator and representative may also have some pull but possibly less so as this is a state issue.

  • some folks have also listed numbers for other departments that will sometimes transfer you to the hold queue. mixed results, looks like. search the group for these.

  • some folks are being met with various errors on the phone line and being kicked off amidst the phone tree (dialing the different # prompts). this group shares an array of experiences— perhaps you will find some helpful troubleshooting here if you have a unique situation.

ui online application upgrade + getting started with applying (updated: 4/11/20)

a new streamlined online unemployment insurance application went up on 4/10/20 (created in partnership with google). this new application will hopefully reduce the need to call the dol to complete your application; folks who would have previously had to call to complete their application will be put into a call-back queue to receive a call from dol instead. also, the number of dol call center agents has been increased.

  • new ui applicants only, access the new ui application, here.

  • for the moment— because developments are new + unclear and you don’t want your shit getting mixed up in the system or to be penalized— i would advise against filling out a form on the new ui application link if you already filled out a ui application on the original system.

  • self-employed homies! you will first need to fill out the traditional UI (unemployment insurance) form and get denied before you can fill out the PUA (pandemic unemployment assistance) form. PUA is the thing that’s basically unemployment for freelancers/gig workers/self-employed and other folks who wouldn’t normally be eligible for UI. the process and rules for PUA are still unfolding in real time, so this is what is known so far.

  • a flowchart from DOL breaking down the CARES act and where you might fit into the equation, here.

  • if you believe you are in a category that doesn’t traditionally qualify for UI, see if you qualify for PUA, here.

  • the guide for filling out the traditional UI form if you are self-employed, here.

  • unemployment insurance FAQs, including info for traditionally employed and self-employed folks, here. a few major callouts from this FAQ:

    • pandemic unemployment assistance (pua) is a special unemployment benefit people are getting right now. it’s effectively unemployment insurance for gig workers, freelancers, self-employed, and others who do not traditionally qualify for ui.

    • everyone who is approved for ui or pua will also receive federal pandemic unemployment compensation (fpuc or puc), which is the extra $600 a week for claim periods 4/5/20 through 7/31/20.

    • everyone who is approved for ui or pua will receive an additional 13 weeks of ui or pua benefits beyond the standard 26 weeks, for a total of 39 weeks of benefits. this is called pandemic emergency unemployment compensation (peuc).

    • the fpuc weekly $600 is only for the april through july period (unless it gets extended by congress). during that time, you’ll get your regular ui/pua benefit + $600 weekly. for the remainder of the 39 week period, you’ll only receive regular ui/pua benefits.

free service to help expedite ui applications + auto-redialer (published: 4/18/20)

today.com details a free service by the developers of the donotpay app that helps speed up processing your ui application. i only skimmed the article, but it appears that this service might only be for people filing new ui applications— i.e. if you have not submitted your ui application yet. you’re welcome to fiddle with the system if you want to experiment, but i highly advise against resubmitting your ui or pua applications as it is very likely to cause confusion and further delay your application processing.

should the ui application you filled via this service require a phone call to be completed, the service will have a bot auto-redial the relevant number for you until it connects. i am not sure whether or not the auto-redialer is available to people who have already filled ui applications.

it also appears that this service is available for folks in all 50 states. begin your ui application with the free expediting service, here. thanks, boyuan, for this lead!

new dol call-back system for ui applicants with “incomplete” applications (updated: 4/13/20)

according to dol's twitter, both new ui applicants who need to connect with an agent to complete their application and existing ui applicants who were told to call to complete their application will be called by a dol agent within 72 hours. presumably, within 72 hours from 4/9/20 if you’ve already filled a ui application or within 72 hours from filling a new ui application.

  • no idea what that will look like in practice with 200,000 backlogged UI applications presumably needing a phone convo to be completed as of 4/10/20.

  • definitely make sure that your phone number is listed in your online account. if your phone number isn’t in there, you will not be getting a call-back for anything and you need to continue calling the old fashioned way.

    • to make sure your phone number is listed for your account, go to your “my online services” account page on dol’s site, click on your name on the green top bar, then click on “account profile”

    • if there is an option to add/update your phone number, do that

    • some people, like me, are only seeing the option to update our email addresses. in this case, no one is calling you and you'll need to continue to call dol yourself.

  • i have heard of stories of scammers trying to pretend they are the dol calling you. be careful.

  • hearing of folks receiving calls on the weekend and at 12am + 1am est

  • while most folks appear to be getting call backs within the 72 hour window, some are not

  • more call-back updates from the dol twitter:

    • “Before you receive a call from a NYS DOL rep, you may receive an automated call from our system. This is to make claimants aware that we are doing call-backs and to expect a call within the next 72 hours.”

    • “If you miss the call from our reps, we will call back. Like many NYers, DOL representatives are working from home, so your caller ID may show ‘PRIVATE CALLER’”

    • “ANYONE calling from @NYSLabor will verify their identity by providing: (a) the date you filed your Unemployment Insurance application; and (b) the type of claim you filed.”

utilizing the dol online messaging system (updated: 4/10/20)

an alternative to calling that some folks have found success with is using messaging in your “my online services” account.

  • click on “go to my inbox” button inside the “messages” rectangular box on the top left side

  • then click the “compose new” button with the little envelope icon

  • when composing your message, make sure to use a succinct and descriptive subject line

  • messaging will unlikely be useful if you are trying to complete your ui application

  • messaging may be helpful for checking status of your completed application, submitting documents, and other things

  • worth experimenting with if you’re at your wits end and want to try something else

  • resend your messages regularly if you don’t get a reply— some people later got responses this way

facebook resource groups (updated: 4/18/20)

the navigating the cares act facebook group is a very organized and well moderated space i joined on 4/10/20. this group is targeted towards pua applicants— i.e. freelancers, gig workers, independent contractors, self-employed folk (a lot of these things can be synonymous/overlapping), and others who would not typically qualify for traditional unemployment insurance (ui). the moderators have created a great directory under the “files” section that includes official documentation you can sift through. they are also amidst publishing a master update with all they currently know about the pua application and approval process— that series is titled “WWKN” (for “what we know now”) if you want to run a search in the group. these posts will hopefully all be pinned and included in the “announcements” section, too. while this group has a majority of new york based members, they welcome and hope to support people from all states. this group currently has about 3000 members.

the nys unemployment issues facebook group has a nice community vibe but can be kinda overwhelming and chaotic now having 30,000 members and constantly growing. i joined around april 8 or 9. if you have the patience to wade through a zillion posts and very long comment threads, have at it. be discerning about possible misinformation. i do still poke around. the group includes traditionally employed (w2) and self-employed (w9 / 1099 / sometimes w2) folks. there’s also a helpful learning section called “units” with detailed info and step-by-step guides about UI, PUA, and related topics.

seher’s pua application notes & tips (updated: 4/23/20)

i successfully submitted my pua application online on 4/9/20. it’s unclear what’s next in terms of official approval and receiving money in the bank. will try to add any major callouts here.

  • there is now a single streamlined pua application according to dol’s recent tweet on 4/21/20

    • yes, this is the same link as the new ui application created in partnership with google that went up on 4/10/20

    • opening screen(s) will determine if you are eligible for ui or pua and from there offer you application questions for the appropriate program

    • do not attempt this application link if you already filled out the old pua form

  • accessing the pandemic unemployment assistance (pua) application (4/23/20 update: this is now the “old way”)

    • the pua application will only be accessible once you’ve applied for regular unemployment insurance (ui) and been denied

    • go to “my online services” on the dol website and login with your ny.gov id

    • click the “my online forms” button on the rectangular box on the right side

    • the next page may take a moment to fully load, but there will be a left navigation list of links, including a link to the pua application

  • i have a macbook pro and received a web error when trying to access the application via safari. chrome worked well for me.

  • the confirmation page for my completed application included a note that said i was “eligible.” it did not tell me how i’ll know i’m officially approved.

    • a certification form for week ending 4/5/20 showed up in the “unemployment insurance” section (“unemployment services” button) on 4/10/20. regardless of my current “pending” status, i will continue certifying/claiming here every sunday for the prior week— presuming everything will ultimately pan out and i’ll receive all my accumulated benefits one day.

  • there’s a question on the form about whether you’re able to telecommute. make sure to select “no,” otherwise the system will assume you have work that allows you to work from home/telecommute and you will be deemed ineligible.

    • theoretically, self-employed folks could pick up a new skill, pivot to a different industry, and telecommute if some imaginary new client asked them to— theoretically, you could maybe telecommute, yeah. but these questions are not built with the nuance of our circumstances in mind. are you telecommuting now? probably not. otherwise you wouldn’t be filing for unemployment.

  • regarding reporting of self-employment income to determine your benefit amount:

    • the form asks: “what was your net income for the most recently filed tax year?”

    • the form states that this information can be found on line 31 of schedule c on your 1040 tax form. i have not filed for 2019 yet, so i used my 2018 tax info.

    • important: only use the figure from line 31 on schedule c! i almost gave them my adjusted gross income from a different part of my tax forms— and it was a smaller dollar amount than my net income.

    • use a ui calculator to estimate your benefit amount— divide your net income by 4 and enter that amount into the quarterly buckets on this tool

  • regarding required documents as proof of income:

    • the application does not specify types of documents required but schedule c on your most recently completed 1040 tax form sounds like the best bet. if in doubt, upload your entire 1040 tax form. and to be safe, you can also upload your 1099s for that same year.

    • i uploaded a pdf of my 2018 completed tax forms certified by my accountant (including 1040 and schedule c) and i uploaded a single pdf including scans of all my 1099s received in 2018.

    • basically, dol wants to know your income for the most recent year when you filed taxes— aka something that has already been officially documented by the government.

  • i was not told my estimated benefit amount up front but should know it once i am approved

  • “view payment history” is an option that will hopefully show up for you under the “unemployment services” button (in the “unemployment insurance” box) on your “my online services” account some time after you’ve successfully completed an “eligible” PUA application. the option showed up for me a few hours later.

    • “view payment history” is the place where you can check to see if your claim is processing or has been approved. basically, it’ll list your upcoming payments and their status.

    • a lot of folks, including myself are seeing a $0 figure here if their application is “pending.” seems as though the reasons for this status can mean various things. i will say that many/most PUA applicants seem to have been in this $0 pending situation for weeks.

    • see below updates re: movement on pua application approvals— folks are beginning to move out of pending status!

pua updates from facebook groups (updated: 4/26/20)

use these notes at your own discretion as info is constantly changing and most reps don’t know much— sometimes they know less than folks like us do. below is my summary of highlights pulled from the groups:

  • around 4/24/20, many pending PUA applicants saw a mystery $600 deposit in their bank accounts from “NYS DOL UI DD”

    • i personally received this $600 deposit but am still pending in “view payment history” with everything at $0

    • it is unknown, even to DOL reps, what these funds are attributed to

    • it is entirely unclear what this money is connected to, given these recipients still show pending status on their PUA applications and $600 does not match the payable amount that would have accrued for many applicants by now

    • there is some speculation that this is a partial payment of unemployment benefits (perhaps one of the $600 weekly bonus payments we’re due to receive for april through july via FPUC/PUC), which could suggest that these applicants will be soon approved

    • will post more when i know something more concrete

  • a few 1099 self-employed folks are starting to see their “view payment history” (accessed via the “unemployment services” button) screens change out of pending status and now show dollar amounts

    • some of these people are also later seeing a payment schedule table appear

    • there are reports of at least a few people who saw payment schedules appear seeing funds in their bank accounts as of 4/24/20

    • most of these people appear to be folks who submitted pua applications on 4/5/20

    • this all shows that pua applications are being processed, perhaps in the order submitted (but not for certain)

    • according to these folks, your net income (line 13 on schedule c of your 1040 tax form) appears to be the figure that determines your pua benefit amount (use a ui calculator to estimate this— divide your net income by 4 and enter that amount into the quarterly buckets on this tool)

  • seeing “pending” on your “view payment history” page most likely means that your application has not been reviewed yet

  • dol agents have been saying that pua applications will take 3-4 weeks from submission to be processed; i might have also seen a note about 6 weeks, but my memory is fuzzy. no official timeframe has been published by dol, so take this info with caution.

  • several group members have reported that there does now appear to be a dedicated pua/self-employment team at the dol call center. still no clarity on a direct number to reach them.

  • you will only receive a call back from dol if they need more info for your pua application, if you have documentation missing, if they need to see supplemental documentation for some reason.

    • in order to receive a call back, make sure that your phone number is listed on your account.

    • if you are missing documentation, you could also be sent a message via the messaging center in “my online services” or sent snail mail

    • some folks, like me, are unable to add a phone number to your account (don’t know why)— these people will need to call dol themselves to check on the status of their application.

  • certify for your benefits every sunday under the normal ui certification option in your account

    • “my online services” page >>

    • “unemployment insurance” box (on bottom right of screen) >>

    • “unemployment services” button >>

    • “claim weekly benefits” button

ui + pua notes for uber and lyft drivers (published: 4/13/20)

though it’s being fought tooth and nail, states like new york, california, new jersey, and perhaps others, have passed legislation that requires companies like uber and lyft to classify their drivers as employees. this means that drivers qualify for benefits like traditional unemployment insurance, amongst other things.

though the companies are still fighting and fighting what is now law in some states, i believe that many drivers will begin to find that their traditional unemployment insurance applications are being approved (i already heard of at least one such case for a 1099 uber employee via a facebook group). this is great news, because hopefully you’ll be saved from the snail’s crawl that is the pua approval process.

for more insights into the rulings by the aforementioned states:

  • forbes.com | 7/20/18 | new york

    • New York Gives Uber Drivers Unemployment Rights In Blow To Nonemployee Model

  • fortune.com | 7/21/18 | new york

    • Uber Drivers Are Employees, New York Unemployment Insurance Board Rules

  • nytimes.com | 9/11/19 | california

    • California Bill Makes App-Based Companies Treat Workers as Employees

  • nytimes.com | 11/14/19 | new jersey

    • Uber Fined $649 Million for Saying Drivers Aren’t Employees

  • wired.com | 1/3/20 | california

    • Now the Courts Will Decide Whether Uber Drivers Are Employees

city councilman brad lander’s freelancer, artist, gig worker resources on ui, pua, + more (published: 4/8/20)

brad lander hosted a great call with city, state, national officials and organizers a week or two back about UI, PUA, and other freelancer concerns. his office has created a page with many types of resources for freelancers, including UI + PUA topics. if you scroll to the bottom of the resource page, you can watch the video replay of the call. also consider signing up for brad’s email list— he’s a great community resource and organizer in many respects.



some version of the same very specific thing at once.

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it’s so surreal to me that we are all going through some version of the same very specific thing at once.

i know it might sound weird to say, but there’s something poetic about that. really distills us to our common humanity, co-existing in this fragile, precious life.

some prompts for us to consider at this time:

  • with the opportunity to stand still, what’s been revealed to you about existence? yours, ours, the planet’s?

  • with this extra space and time, what could you gift yourself more spaciousness and presence with? what does thinking about that feel like? is there discomfort there? if so, talk to it gently and ask it why it’s there and what it needs.

  • in what ways has this experience reminded you or taught you about our common humanity? did any illusion bubbles burst for you? how does it feel to not live with that illusion anymore?

  • is there a part of you that is relieved that you might not *have to* live your life as you had been? what are you relieved about maybe not having to deal with anymore? what might life look like if you found a way where you could choose to opt out of those things?

  • does the possibility of your life blowing up and starting over fresh simultaneously terrify and excite you? why excited? dig into that. look for versions of starting fresh that warm your heart, create ease within, and light a spark.

  • who are the first people you wanted to call? who makes you feel seen, safe, loved, considered? who do you feel most compelled to do that for in return?

so many more. will leave us with that for now. much love <3