new york city

how astrocartography came into my life

note: this post is directly pulled from my 10/21/21 email newsletter without edits. if you would like to receive my weekly note in your inbox along with additional sections and features not included here, you can join my email community.

i know. it's been a minute. a three-months-long minute. life. a lot of life, life-ing. you already know.

i missed you and am very glad to be back in action with our weekly-ish situationship <3

tl;dr // your girl is offering 1:1 astrocartography readings publicly for the first time! you can learn more about these sessions and book a reading here.

some years ago, amidst what would become a decade in brooklyn, i found myself itching for the experience of living in a new city. it’s not that i felt done with new york, but i wanted a new experience. the question of where my next place was didn’t feel easy to answer, though; everywhere i had visited up until that point felt nice to visit but didn’t quite resonate in terms being somewhere i wanted to live. add to that, that there wasn’t really any specific place i felt clearly called to explore;

ask me where i wanted to travel to next, and i could throw out twenty different cities that i felt equally open to and curious about. i didn’t have a “paris” or dream city in mind;

and while on one end openness and flexibility can be very liberating, in this situation, my total lack of direction felt super confusing and frustrating. i’d tell people, “i want to try another place to live, but i’m going to have to travel a bit more to figure out where that might be.” the issue there became that i just didn’t have the capacity or funds to bounce around and travel like that to explore new cities.

it was just so weird. any time i checked in with my spirit about where i felt called to home-wise, all i could come up with was new york. yet simultaneously, i felt deeply intuitively called to embark on a new adventure, even if it were to be by virtue of a second home in addition to nyc. as confounding as this tension and lack of clarity was, i couldn’t shake these feelings and they continued to stay with me for years. not knowing what to do, i just sat with the discomfort, hoping one day an answer or a sign in the right direction would come.

enter astrocartography. in summer 2017, i had the opportunity to photograph the astrotwins’ personal astrology retreat in tulum. during one of their lectures, they in passing mentioned a lesser known type of astrology called astrocartography— the astrology of place. i was like, “um, excuse me? you telling me that astrology can tell me what kinda vibes i might catch at different places all around the world? do you understand that you may have just solved my entire life with this offhand remark? do you even know?”

it was the clue that i’d been quietly waiting for.

so i went to the free astrocartography site they suggested and entered in my birth data (birth date, birth time, birth place). and it generated this wild ass visual with zillions of longitudinal lines across the world map. these lines represented the various energies available to me in different places.

so many vibes. all the vibes.

in its full glory, my astrocartography map looked like the image below. my brain basically overheated and melted when i first saw it.

it. is. a. lot.

a lot, a lot.

like, it’s almost disrespectful.

but also, omg, so much juicy info when you learn how to break down how this shit works!!

astrocarto.png

some of you might recognize the glyphs at the top of the screen capture as astrological planetary symbols. for the rest of y’all, you wanna know what the entire fuck is happening here, huh?

in astrology, each planet holds a unique set of qualities and presides over different themes in our lives. in astrocartography, each line on your personal map represents one of these planetary energies.

for example, the pink line on this map is for jupiter, which relates to joy, expansion, wisdom, and multiculturalism, amongst other things. the dark green line is for venus, which speaks to relationships, romance, the arts, and beauty. the black line with the “P” symbol is for pluto, which is all about death and rebirth, transformation, alchemy, and power. the light green line is for mercury, which represents how we think and communicate (speaking, writing) as well as our more mentally oriented psychic senses and intuitions. other planets covered on our map include saturn, mars, neptune, uranus, chiron, north node, moon, and sun.

the simplest and most straightforward way we can explore your astrocartography map is to pick a city that is calling to you or that you’re curious about (could even be your current city!) and then check out what planetary lines are running near that place. the story told by the energies of these lines will then tell you what you can potentially expect to experience there!

there are many more ways you can gain insights from astrocartography, which i’ve broadly outlined on my site, if you’re curious. you can also stay tuned to this space, as i’ll soon be further illustrating the various types of questions you can explore using this art form.

so what happened after i nearly passed out from overwhelm upon first seeing my map? obsession. pure unadulterated obsession. my virgo sun, virgo mercury, scorpio moon ass stuck the fuck with it until i understood what was what and was no longer overwhelmed.

and naturally, i now have a very systematic yet fluid way in how i approach readings. over the years, i have pored probably over a hundred hours on my own map as well as the maps of people in my immediate community. i also took a course and did a little reading, but to be honest— my readings are primarily intuitively led, which both i and my clients actually love.

soooo, yeah. a whole fun journey! a journey about journeys! i’m super excited to share this practice with you :)

i really love seeing how people light up at just how fascinating and eerily on point this work can be. it can be a really beautiful affirmation for intuitive hunches you may have about given places and can also help contextualize your life in a way that just makes things easier to digest. often, i find there’s a sweet comfort that astrocartography can bring.

i hope we'll get to share in that sweetness together sometime.

 

best practices for getting through to the new york state department of labor phone line from a person who successfully connected with an agent (me)

more ui + pua updates, tips, & resources below original post (updated: 4/26/20)

this post has now evolved beyond just resources for calling the department of labor (dol). when you scroll below the original post, you will get lots more detail on the following + more:

  • PUA applicants are starting to move out of pending & have their claims approved

  • many pending PUA applicants saw a mystery $600 from DOL in their bank around 4/24/20

  • a single streamlined application for new PUA applicants who have not yet filled out a pua form

  • a helpful auto-redial app called infinity call for android users

  • a free service that will help expedite new ui apps & have a bot auto-redial for you

  • the new unemployment insurance (ui) application; it is at a different link than the old app

  • tips and resources for getting started with your ui and pua applications

  • information about the new department of labor call-back system

  • facebook groups with lots of evolving resources for unemployment issues

  • notes on utilizing the dol’s online messaging system for select issues

  • notes & tips from my pandemic unemployment assistance (pua) application experience so far

  • highlights on what the grapevine is saying about the pua application approval process

  • ui + pua notes for uber and lyft drivers

  • additional calling and application tips from my community

original post on calling dol (published: 4/8/20)

this is not a pretty, fancy, perfect post. it is meant to be purely functional and hopefully offer helpful information through the lens of my unemployment benefits journey thus far. i know posting this is a bit unceremonious and abrupt with me not having shared much along this ride, but i hope you know i’m doing what i can and try to be in service in little spurts where i’m able. this is that. i hope you are taking care and i am here with you. i’m rooting for us.

  • (updated: 4/10/20) if you’ve lost or are losing your phone service, try google voice. there are a few different ways to use the service, the main way requires an existing phone number to sign up (there are decent hacks around that if you google it).

    • an easier way might be to log into your gmail account and click the telephone icon on the bottom of the left navigation bar (hopefully that shows up for you). then click the “make a call” link that pops up in the box. hopefully that’ll give you a dial pad and toll free numbers are free to call anyway (domestic numbers seem to be free to call, too). for calling numbers outside of the united states, you might need to add credits to your google voice account— rates are quite cheap.

    • i just tested the phone icon gmail method to call my california mobile phone number with $0 in credits and it worked! it did prompt me to sign into google hangouts before the “make a call” dialog popped up— so maybe make sure you’re signed up for that service (it’s free).

  • some people who successfully fill out the traditional UI application online are prompted to call the DOL at 1-888-209-8124 in order to complete their application. this line is jammed up hardcore. the phone line also unfortunately happens to be the only place non-english speakers can file for UI. if you are trying to get through to this phone line for some reason, read on.

  • the DOL number to complete your claim is 1-888-209-8124, save that number in your phone as a contact. when i kept redialing, my phone ended up looking like the image below. then, i could just hit anywhere on the screen to redial— it saved me time from having to tap precisely and it saved my neck from constantly having to look down.

IMG_2036.PNG
  • i called hundreds or probably 1000+ times across 2-hour evening blocks on tuesday and wednesday.

  • i’m quite positive the hours for the phone line are monday through friday, 8am-7.30pm and saturday + sunday, 7.30am-8pm. the publication, eater, confirmed this info on 4/10/20, here.

  • i think most people do not realize these extended hours are available as information is inconsistent. i’m guessing that because of this, i got a higher connection rate post 5pm and connected to the “welcome” recording several times right up until 7.30pm on tuesday. so i’d say 5pm-7.30pm is a good time to call on weekdays. i didn’t try weekends, but i imagine early morning and from 5-8pm is also a good look there. my successful call was at 5.32pm on wednesday, april 8.

  • if you do connect, there are a few recordings i’ve heard: one starts with “you have reached…” with an older male voice, another starts with “we’re sorry…,” and the one you want starts with “welcome…” with a younger male voice. hang up the minute you hear the first word or two of the wrong recording and redial.

  • sometimes the phone will jam up and you won’t even get a busy signal— it’ll be silent. or you’ll hear static, oceany sounds, or rumbling like someone is fiddling to pick up the phone. i’ve found all of those to just be weird technical errors. if you’re hearing silence or weird sounds, hang up and redial. otherwise, you’re burning time waiting for the system to finish tripping up.

  • once you connect to the “welcome” recording, you can hit “1” right away if you speak english or “2” for spanish. i did my best to try to identify the initial prompts for other languages, i could be wrong: “3” for albanian / “4” for russian / “5 or 6” for cantonese or mandarin (couldn’t tell which was which) / “7” korean / “8” for polish, bengali, arabic, french, italian, hindi, vietnamese, urdu, nepali, tagalog / “9” for all other languages.

  • the only prompt you have to wait a while to hit is the second one, “2.” dude talks for like 15-30 seconds during which time i looked at social media or texts. when he starts asking about whether you’re looking for an ‘extension on existing benefits,’ that’s when you can hit “2” amidst him talking. the moment you hear the next voice, you can hit “9.” the moment you hear the voice after that, you can hit “5” (thank you, tom kubik, for this note on fast tracking with “5” to talk with an agent, instead of the “2” to complete your application)

  • to sum up this segment, the prompts most of us will want to hit are: 1, 2, 9, 5. this is meant to get you routed to a human representative you can speak with.

  • at the end of the 1 2 9 5 sequence, there will be a recording about ny being ‘equal opportunity’ etc. when the recording starts talking about ‘needing some info from you,’ you can enter your social security number. sometimes when i did this part too early, it’d jam up. to be safer, you can wait until it begins saying ‘please enter…’ once you’ve entered your social and dude starts repeating it back to you, hit “1” to confirm. after that, you will be prompted for your DOL pin number. after entering your pin, you will be routed to be put on hold.

  • i got to this “holding” point dozens of times and except for the the one time i got through, i always immediately got a message that said the ‘lines were too busy’ and got hung up on. today, it  bypassed the “lines too busy” message and i just got disconnected after being told i’d be put on hold. if you make it through all the prompts and are told at any point that you'll be put on hold, wait it out carefully to see what happens. if you make it to the holding point, do not hang up until the system hangs up on you.

  • when i actually got a real hold, everything sounded the same and i was bracing to be disconnected like before. when the hold was for real, the following new things happened in lieu of me getting disconnected: i was told my wait time (surprisingly 4-9 minutes), got hold music, and some intermittent messages that were like, ‘we apologize for the delay / inconvenience.’

  • more tips on process: use headphones or automatically route your calls to speakerphone so you have one less button to press when constantly redialing. it’s just a quicker, smoother process on speakerphone. if you have an iphone, go to settings > accessibility > touch > call audio routing (scroll to the bottom & select “speaker”). now, all incoming and outgoing calls will automatically happen via speaker. you’re at home all day, so no worries here!

  • if you’re going to be walking around your house getting some movement in while you call, and if you’re planning to call for at least a couple hours in a stretch, connect your phone to a charging pack and put the pack in your pocket. make sure the drawstrings of your sweats are secured nice and tight to accommodate the extra weight :)

  • i looked into auto-redial apps in the apple store and they all look suspect. one thing i did not take time to do was look into desktop software for telemarketers and sales agents. such software might have some auto-redial feature built in so you can actually do other shit while trying to reach DOL. i have nothing to offer here beyond the idea, but you can research it if you want! ‘sales prospecting’ and ‘lead generation’ software might be some additional useful search terms.

tips from my online community on calling dol (updated: 4/8/20)

  • via john ward: “fun fact when you get to the equal opportunity part press ## and it will skip to asking you to input your social”

  • via mark kauzlarich: “If you do get to hold (and like me your hold time was estimated at 80+ minutes) all audio WILL cut out occasionally for 20-30 seconds. I thought maybe someone was on the line, so I said "hello" a few times and nothing happened, then it came back with an apology for the delay and would continue for 20 minutes or so before dead air again. Eventually I did get through.”

an auto-redial app for android users in the google app store (published: 4/18/20)

i came across a post (that i can no longer find) about someone successfully using an android app to auto-redial. the person seemed to have tried other auto-redial apps for android and said an app with “infinity” in the name was the best one in his experience. he used it to connect with dol fairly quickly. a google search is telling me that he was likely talking about the app infinity call. this app also was reported to have quite a few helpful customization settings— i.e. at which cadence to redial, how many redial attempts, etc.

an auto-redial app will keep making the call on your behalf and then notify you in some fashion once the call has successfully connected.

tips on calling dol from nys unemployment issues facebook group (updated: 4/8/20)

  • some people are finding success with calling governor cuomo’s office. after speaking with an aide, some folks are then transferred to a hold queue on the dol phone line. the wait on cuomo’s phone line and dol hold queue can both be long and i’ve heard of folks getting hung up on even then. others are being told by aides that they will receive a call back from someone at dol. so, choose your own adventure. cuomo’s #s: 212-681-4580, 518-474-8390. internet says office hours are monday through friday, 9am-5pm.

  • some people are finding similar success calling their local assembly person. info to find that person for you in the “units” section mentioned earlier. here, they may route you to the hold queue or have someone call you back in a few days. i heard one account about an aide collecting relevant ui application information over the phone or email and sharing it with a dol employee to follow up.

  • along these lines, i’d also consider calling your new york state senator. your united states senator and representative may also have some pull but possibly less so as this is a state issue.

  • some folks have also listed numbers for other departments that will sometimes transfer you to the hold queue. mixed results, looks like. search the group for these.

  • some folks are being met with various errors on the phone line and being kicked off amidst the phone tree (dialing the different # prompts). this group shares an array of experiences— perhaps you will find some helpful troubleshooting here if you have a unique situation.

ui online application upgrade + getting started with applying (updated: 4/11/20)

a new streamlined online unemployment insurance application went up on 4/10/20 (created in partnership with google). this new application will hopefully reduce the need to call the dol to complete your application; folks who would have previously had to call to complete their application will be put into a call-back queue to receive a call from dol instead. also, the number of dol call center agents has been increased.

  • new ui applicants only, access the new ui application, here.

  • for the moment— because developments are new + unclear and you don’t want your shit getting mixed up in the system or to be penalized— i would advise against filling out a form on the new ui application link if you already filled out a ui application on the original system.

  • self-employed homies! you will first need to fill out the traditional UI (unemployment insurance) form and get denied before you can fill out the PUA (pandemic unemployment assistance) form. PUA is the thing that’s basically unemployment for freelancers/gig workers/self-employed and other folks who wouldn’t normally be eligible for UI. the process and rules for PUA are still unfolding in real time, so this is what is known so far.

  • a flowchart from DOL breaking down the CARES act and where you might fit into the equation, here.

  • if you believe you are in a category that doesn’t traditionally qualify for UI, see if you qualify for PUA, here.

  • the guide for filling out the traditional UI form if you are self-employed, here.

  • unemployment insurance FAQs, including info for traditionally employed and self-employed folks, here. a few major callouts from this FAQ:

    • pandemic unemployment assistance (pua) is a special unemployment benefit people are getting right now. it’s effectively unemployment insurance for gig workers, freelancers, self-employed, and others who do not traditionally qualify for ui.

    • everyone who is approved for ui or pua will also receive federal pandemic unemployment compensation (fpuc or puc), which is the extra $600 a week for claim periods 4/5/20 through 7/31/20.

    • everyone who is approved for ui or pua will receive an additional 13 weeks of ui or pua benefits beyond the standard 26 weeks, for a total of 39 weeks of benefits. this is called pandemic emergency unemployment compensation (peuc).

    • the fpuc weekly $600 is only for the april through july period (unless it gets extended by congress). during that time, you’ll get your regular ui/pua benefit + $600 weekly. for the remainder of the 39 week period, you’ll only receive regular ui/pua benefits.

free service to help expedite ui applications + auto-redialer (published: 4/18/20)

today.com details a free service by the developers of the donotpay app that helps speed up processing your ui application. i only skimmed the article, but it appears that this service might only be for people filing new ui applications— i.e. if you have not submitted your ui application yet. you’re welcome to fiddle with the system if you want to experiment, but i highly advise against resubmitting your ui or pua applications as it is very likely to cause confusion and further delay your application processing.

should the ui application you filled via this service require a phone call to be completed, the service will have a bot auto-redial the relevant number for you until it connects. i am not sure whether or not the auto-redialer is available to people who have already filled ui applications.

it also appears that this service is available for folks in all 50 states. begin your ui application with the free expediting service, here. thanks, boyuan, for this lead!

new dol call-back system for ui applicants with “incomplete” applications (updated: 4/13/20)

according to dol's twitter, both new ui applicants who need to connect with an agent to complete their application and existing ui applicants who were told to call to complete their application will be called by a dol agent within 72 hours. presumably, within 72 hours from 4/9/20 if you’ve already filled a ui application or within 72 hours from filling a new ui application.

  • no idea what that will look like in practice with 200,000 backlogged UI applications presumably needing a phone convo to be completed as of 4/10/20.

  • definitely make sure that your phone number is listed in your online account. if your phone number isn’t in there, you will not be getting a call-back for anything and you need to continue calling the old fashioned way.

    • to make sure your phone number is listed for your account, go to your “my online services” account page on dol’s site, click on your name on the green top bar, then click on “account profile”

    • if there is an option to add/update your phone number, do that

    • some people, like me, are only seeing the option to update our email addresses. in this case, no one is calling you and you'll need to continue to call dol yourself.

  • i have heard of stories of scammers trying to pretend they are the dol calling you. be careful.

  • hearing of folks receiving calls on the weekend and at 12am + 1am est

  • while most folks appear to be getting call backs within the 72 hour window, some are not

  • more call-back updates from the dol twitter:

    • “Before you receive a call from a NYS DOL rep, you may receive an automated call from our system. This is to make claimants aware that we are doing call-backs and to expect a call within the next 72 hours.”

    • “If you miss the call from our reps, we will call back. Like many NYers, DOL representatives are working from home, so your caller ID may show ‘PRIVATE CALLER’”

    • “ANYONE calling from @NYSLabor will verify their identity by providing: (a) the date you filed your Unemployment Insurance application; and (b) the type of claim you filed.”

utilizing the dol online messaging system (updated: 4/10/20)

an alternative to calling that some folks have found success with is using messaging in your “my online services” account.

  • click on “go to my inbox” button inside the “messages” rectangular box on the top left side

  • then click the “compose new” button with the little envelope icon

  • when composing your message, make sure to use a succinct and descriptive subject line

  • messaging will unlikely be useful if you are trying to complete your ui application

  • messaging may be helpful for checking status of your completed application, submitting documents, and other things

  • worth experimenting with if you’re at your wits end and want to try something else

  • resend your messages regularly if you don’t get a reply— some people later got responses this way

facebook resource groups (updated: 4/18/20)

the navigating the cares act facebook group is a very organized and well moderated space i joined on 4/10/20. this group is targeted towards pua applicants— i.e. freelancers, gig workers, independent contractors, self-employed folk (a lot of these things can be synonymous/overlapping), and others who would not typically qualify for traditional unemployment insurance (ui). the moderators have created a great directory under the files” section that includes official documentation you can sift through. they are also amidst publishing a master update with all they currently know about the pua application and approval process— that series is titled “WWKN” (for “what we know now”) if you want to run a search in the group. these posts will hopefully all be pinned and included in the “announcements” section, too. while this group has a majority of new york based members, they welcome and hope to support people from all states. this group currently has about 3000 members.

the nys unemployment issues facebook group has a nice community vibe but can be kinda overwhelming and chaotic now having 30,000 members and constantly growing. i joined around april 8 or 9. if you have the patience to wade through a zillion posts and very long comment threads, have at it. be discerning about possible misinformation. i do still poke around. the group includes traditionally employed (w2) and self-employed (w9 / 1099 / sometimes w2) folks. there’s also a helpful learning section called “units” with detailed info and step-by-step guides about UI, PUA, and related topics.

seher’s pua application notes & tips (updated: 4/23/20)

i successfully submitted my pua application online on 4/9/20. it’s unclear what’s next in terms of official approval and receiving money in the bank. will try to add any major callouts here.

  • there is now a single streamlined pua application according to dol’s recent tweet on 4/21/20

    • yes, this is the same link as the new ui application created in partnership with google that went up on 4/10/20

    • opening screen(s) will determine if you are eligible for ui or pua and from there offer you application questions for the appropriate program

    • do not attempt this application link if you already filled out the old pua form

  • accessing the pandemic unemployment assistance (pua) application (4/23/20 update: this is now the “old way”)

    • the pua application will only be accessible once you’ve applied for regular unemployment insurance (ui) and been denied

    • go to “my online services” on the dol website and login with your ny.gov id

    • click the “my online forms” button on the rectangular box on the right side

    • the next page may take a moment to fully load, but there will be a left navigation list of links, including a link to the pua application

  • i have a macbook pro and received a web error when trying to access the application via safari. chrome worked well for me.

  • the confirmation page for my completed application included a note that said i was “eligible.” it did not tell me how i’ll know i’m officially approved.

    • a certification form for week ending 4/5/20 showed up in the “unemployment insurance” section (“unemployment services” button) on 4/10/20. regardless of my current “pending” status, i will continue certifying/claiming here every sunday for the prior week— presuming everything will ultimately pan out and i’ll receive all my accumulated benefits one day.

  • there’s a question on the form about whether you’re able to telecommute. make sure to select “no,” otherwise the system will assume you have work that allows you to work from home/telecommute and you will be deemed ineligible.

    • theoretically, self-employed folks could pick up a new skill, pivot to a different industry, and telecommute if some imaginary new client asked them to— theoretically, you could maybe telecommute, yeah. but these questions are not built with the nuance of our circumstances in mind. are you telecommuting now? probably not. otherwise you wouldn’t be filing for unemployment.

  • regarding reporting of self-employment income to determine your benefit amount:

    • the form asks: “what was your net income for the most recently filed tax year?”

    • the form states that this information can be found on line 31 of schedule c on your 1040 tax form. i have not filed for 2019 yet, so i used my 2018 tax info.

    • important: only use the figure from line 31 on schedule c! i almost gave them my adjusted gross income from a different part of my tax forms— and it was a smaller dollar amount than my net income.

    • use a ui calculator to estimate your benefit amount— divide your net income by 4 and enter that amount into the quarterly buckets on this tool

  • regarding required documents as proof of income:

    • the application does not specify types of documents required but schedule c on your most recently completed 1040 tax form sounds like the best bet. if in doubt, upload your entire 1040 tax form. and to be safe, you can also upload your 1099s for that same year.

    • i uploaded a pdf of my 2018 completed tax forms certified by my accountant (including 1040 and schedule c) and i uploaded a single pdf including scans of all my 1099s received in 2018.

    • basically, dol wants to know your income for the most recent year when you filed taxes— aka something that has already been officially documented by the government.

  • i was not told my estimated benefit amount up front but should know it once i am approved

  • “view payment history” is an option that will hopefully show up for you under the “unemployment services” button (in the “unemployment insurance” box) on your “my online services” account some time after you’ve successfully completed an “eligible” PUA application. the option showed up for me a few hours later.

    • “view payment history” is the place where you can check to see if your claim is processing or has been approved. basically, it’ll list your upcoming payments and their status.

    • a lot of folks, including myself are seeing a $0 figure here if their application is “pending.” seems as though the reasons for this status can mean various things. i will say that many/most PUA applicants seem to have been in this $0 pending situation for weeks.

    • see below updates re: movement on pua application approvals— folks are beginning to move out of pending status!

pua updates from facebook groups (updated: 4/26/20)

use these notes at your own discretion as info is constantly changing and most reps don’t know much— sometimes they know less than folks like us do. below is my summary of highlights pulled from the groups:

  • around 4/24/20, many pending PUA applicants saw a mystery $600 deposit in their bank accounts from “NYS DOL UI DD”

    • i personally received this $600 deposit but am still pending in “view payment history” with everything at $0

    • it is unknown, even to DOL reps, what these funds are attributed to

    • it is entirely unclear what this money is connected to, given these recipients still show pending status on their PUA applications and $600 does not match the payable amount that would have accrued for many applicants by now

    • there is some speculation that this is a partial payment of unemployment benefits (perhaps one of the $600 weekly bonus payments we’re due to receive for april through july via FPUC/PUC), which could suggest that these applicants will be soon approved

    • will post more when i know something more concrete

  • a few 1099 self-employed folks are starting to see their “view payment history” (accessed via the “unemployment services” button) screens change out of pending status and now show dollar amounts

    • some of these people are also later seeing a payment schedule table appear

    • there are reports of at least a few people who saw payment schedules appear seeing funds in their bank accounts as of 4/24/20

    • most of these people appear to be folks who submitted pua applications on 4/5/20

    • this all shows that pua applications are being processed, perhaps in the order submitted (but not for certain)

    • according to these folks, your net income (line 13 on schedule c of your 1040 tax form) appears to be the figure that determines your pua benefit amount (use a ui calculator to estimate this— divide your net income by 4 and enter that amount into the quarterly buckets on this tool)

  • seeing “pending” on your “view payment history” page most likely means that your application has not been reviewed yet

  • dol agents have been saying that pua applications will take 3-4 weeks from submission to be processed; i might have also seen a note about 6 weeks, but my memory is fuzzy. no official timeframe has been published by dol, so take this info with caution.

  • several group members have reported that there does now appear to be a dedicated pua/self-employment team at the dol call center. still no clarity on a direct number to reach them.

  • you will only receive a call back from dol if they need more info for your pua application, if you have documentation missing, if they need to see supplemental documentation for some reason.

    • in order to receive a call back, make sure that your phone number is listed on your account.

    • if you are missing documentation, you could also be sent a message via the messaging center in “my online services” or sent snail mail

    • some folks, like me, are unable to add a phone number to your account (don’t know why)— these people will need to call dol themselves to check on the status of their application.

  • certify for your benefits every sunday under the normal ui certification option in your account

    • “my online services” page >>

    • “unemployment insurance” box (on bottom right of screen) >>

    • “unemployment services” button >>

    • “claim weekly benefits” button

ui + pua notes for uber and lyft drivers (published: 4/13/20)

though it’s being fought tooth and nail, states like new york, california, new jersey, and perhaps others, have passed legislation that requires companies like uber and lyft to classify their drivers as employees. this means that drivers qualify for benefits like traditional unemployment insurance, amongst other things.

though the companies are still fighting and fighting what is now law in some states, i believe that many drivers will begin to find that their traditional unemployment insurance applications are being approved (i already heard of at least one such case for a 1099 uber employee via a facebook group). this is great news, because hopefully you’ll be saved from the snail’s crawl that is the pua approval process.

for more insights into the rulings by the aforementioned states:

  • forbes.com | 7/20/18 | new york

    • New York Gives Uber Drivers Unemployment Rights In Blow To Nonemployee Model

  • fortune.com | 7/21/18 | new york

    • Uber Drivers Are Employees, New York Unemployment Insurance Board Rules

  • nytimes.com | 9/11/19 | california

    • California Bill Makes App-Based Companies Treat Workers as Employees

  • nytimes.com | 11/14/19 | new jersey

    • Uber Fined $649 Million for Saying Drivers Aren’t Employees

  • wired.com | 1/3/20 | california

    • Now the Courts Will Decide Whether Uber Drivers Are Employees

city councilman brad lander’s freelancer, artist, gig worker resources on ui, pua, + more (published: 4/8/20)

brad lander hosted a great call with city, state, national officials and organizers a week or two back about UI, PUA, and other freelancer concerns. his office has created a page with many types of resources for freelancers, including UI + PUA topics. if you scroll to the bottom of the resource page, you can watch the video replay of the call. also consider signing up for brad’s email list— he’s a great community resource and organizer in many respects.



best/worst.

your worst and best work

have more in common with each other

than with everything in between.

best/worst. two sides of the same coin. passion and truth expressed are often met with polarity. we make that polarity mean a lot and often allow it to fracture us.

the content of the polarity does not necessarily matter. that polarity occurred is what to note. it means you have stirred souls. your work has met its vibrational directive in helping shift the collective— whether or not people are aware or accept this.

creativity is so subjective, so personal, spiritual. yet we judge it, critique it, categorize it. who and what is the decider? what determines the worth and veracity of our work?

can “bad” work be good? be truth? be actually not bad and instead great in its badness? who is it bad to and why? are you bad? did you do bad? did you fail? i think you won because you created.

creation is a statement to the universe. creation is presence. it is a striving and an aliveness that is unlike any other human experience. creation is saying yes, being yes. being. how is that bad?

how is everything that we put ourselves into not valuable and important? all shades of subjectivity are moot if creativity and work are proof of our aliveness and our truth striving to be expressed.

each output, each iteration is information; a window into ourselves, our connectivity, and the world around us. in creating, we are learning to know ourselves and everything more. is there a worst knowing? to me, knowing is always best— even when it hurts.
.
“good” and “bad” might not be as different as we thought; both are subject to being distilled to the is-ness of everything. in creating, i am here. in creating, i am.

i am. i am. i am.

begin again.

beginning again is an act of love;

start over as many times as you need.

picking yourself up off the floor, whether for the first time or the hundredth, is a significant victory. every. single. time.

self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-regard, self-belief, self-worth. betting on you, honoring you. beginning again is all these things. it is reinvesting in yourself.

i will not give up on myself, no matter the road ahead, because i love me in a way that transcends understanding of the mind. i don’t need to get it all right now to know that i am supposed to be here and that my light is important.

starting from scratch. honoring failure and adjusting course. throwing out the thousandth draft and hitting pen to paper once more. a new outlook on romance. reinvention. giving that talk another try in the morning. one more treatment. another application. a clean slate. giving yourself permission. forgiveness. choosing to wake up each day. tearing down the system and building a new one. iteration. perspective. divorce. the seventh business. a new city. blowing it up and starting over. a reimagined friendship. a new, totally different dream. ending the hiatus. digging through the archives. remembering who you were. who you are. trusting them, even though it stings.

we begin again in so many ways. love you love you.

a very detailed review of healthyline crystal mats (my new bff)

update! (6/6/21)

  • my code for 10% off & free shipping is back in action!

  • enter this code for 10% off and free shipping on any healthyline product: SEHER10S

  • on that note, if the mat that i talk about in this review happens to be out of your price range, here are some tips:

    • there are all kinds of sizes available and the smaller mats are way less monies

    • the tao line: know that any of the mats from the tao line will give the same effect (if with PEMF) or a very similar effect (if without PEMF) as the model i mention in this article.

    • the taj line: the mats from the taj line will also deliver a similar experience as the TAO series. to note, when i sampled a TAJ mat, the experience felt relaxing while also a bit stimulating/energizing— for me. everyone’s experience may differ some.

the beginning of an odyssey

listen. this post is an odyssey. there’s something for everyone:

  • backstory with some drama (including why i am “meh” about biomat)

  • short summary on what healthyline’s crystal-bed therapy mats can do

  • by feature breakdown for the nerds

  • v cool testimonials from me and a few friends

  • in store free trial info for nyc folks

  • special discount + free shipping code

  • and everything else you never knew you wanted

i did it for you— so someone who has never heard of healthyline or inframat pro or gemstone therapy or far-infrared therapy or negative ion therapy or PEMF before can conceivably get a solid, well-rounded, and grounded understanding of “what this all is”— even if this blog post is all you ever read on the subject.

it’s also a whole lot easier to send my friends to this blog post than recount all of this over and over to everyone i want to tell— that’s a lot. hi, friends :)

to help make reading breezy, i’ve separated everything out by sections. feel free to skip around in whichever way suits you!

the mystical mats no one knew how to describe

earlier this year, i kept hearing people rave about something called the “biomat” on wellness podcasts. their exaltations of what sounded like a glorified yoga mat were totally vague and decidedly emphatic; it was like this cult secret that completely mystified me and simultaneously low-key enraged me— people could not speak clearly about this thing for the life of them.

my initial google searches yielded descriptions just as vague and further maddened me: i did not understand how people could love a thing so much and not have yet figured out how to articulate the thing. as i write this, i realize that in judgily talking about the ridiculousness of things that evade definition, i could easily be describing love itself— so, touché— but also whatever, i was annoyed.

eventually, i go in for a deep dive google session and it becomes clear that the company that makes the biomat is a multi-level marketing situation (aka MLM) and that’s why all the websites that sell them looked shady as shit. as a creative professional who has designed a handful of websites in her day, i will judge the cover of your website or book or whatever else you are using to sell your stuff. i will also buy your crappy gluten-free crackers if the packaging looks good. i digress.

in this search, i also discover that there’s this other company called healthyline that uses more advanced technology, has a wild variety of mats, sells the comparable (and better) version of the biomat for almost half the price, is not MLM, and has a website that doesn’t look like it was made on geocities in 1994. i was also finally able to read a bit of literature on what the frick these kinds of mats do. and as fate would have it, healthyline had a brick and mortar showroom in manhattan.

my two-hour goldilocks scenario at healthyline

at this point, i feel like i want a mat thingie though i’m not fully sure why (i’d become one of those people). but of course being the responsible adult i am, i needed to try this magical wellness device before sealing the deal— and then save for months to actually get it. i thought i was going to swing in for an efficient 30-minute drop-in situation. for those who know me: though i can be short and sweet if i absolutely must, brevity is not my natural state of being.

i ended up at the store for something like two hours, quickly learning that the comparable mat i was seeking was pretty cool and all, but it didn’t hold a candle to healthyline’s newer tech. i sampled three of these fancier mats in their trial area one by one and then cycled back again to compare my experiences. having my sun and mercury both in virgo (aka gimme all the details for all of life), i made sure my conversation with the brilliant salesperson, ana maria, was thorough. engaging with a customer who was sensitive to energy and also able to narrate the nuance of her experience made it a unique encounter for ana maria as well; we both had a really nice time nerding out and trading thoughts.

we were vibing so well that at one point ana maria asked if i could write down something i’d just said about my experience so the company could use the quote in their marketing. ever the businesswoman (who was also trying to get herself a mat ASAP), i was like, “actual-ly…” and here we are.

personal reflections on the tao 8040

first impressions

the mat that i fell in love with at the showroom was hands down the TAO 8040. in fact, the second mat i’m receiving as part of my partnership with healthyline will also be a TAO and will go to my mom.

quick note that when i speak of the TAO series going forward, i am speaking of the versions that are listed as “firm” on healthyline’s site; the firm models are the ones with PEMF— more on that later.

for those who know what it feels like to reach a place of ease and flow while meditating, you might get what i mean when i say that

it felt like the mat was meditating me when i first tried it.

i feel like all i had to do was lie down and be open to being relaxed— and the rest was just done for me. the relaxation i experienced was deep. it felt like was being enveloped in a warm, gentle hug. the come-down from the hyperactivity of my mind was easeful and kind— it didn’t demand anything of me.

underlying the feelings of peace, calm, and balance, was profound grounding and stabilizing. as someone who often lives in my head, i felt back in my body with a starkly present sense of renewal; i suspected that i had been re-centered to what was probably meant to be my natural equilibrium. immediately, i knew this device could be major in helping my anxiety and disembodiment.

what two and a half months of home use look like

when i first received the TAO for my home, my intention was to use it as a way to get myself to meditate for 30-ish min at the start or finish of each day. the way that my discipline is set up these days though, that’s not quite how things went down.

the mat i have is 40 pounds— it’s crushed crystals, after all; so once i’d set it down in an open area next to my bed, i decided that’s where it would live. and turns out that’s where i’ve lived for the last two and half months as well; i’ve slept on the floor on the mat almost every night, save just a handful of times— and i have a very nice actual bed. to note, i could totally put my mat on my bed (with help) or i could have opted for the queen-sized TAO to live on my bed full-time, but i’m weird.

it was interesting timing actually, because i was going through a pretty intense phase of insomnia around then. since moving to new york eight years ago, i’ve on and off had major insomnia— i’m talking going to sleep at 3, 4, 5, even 6am onward when it gets really bad. the two parts that play into perpetuating my insomnia are 1) trouble forcing myself to physically go to bed, and 2) trouble actually falling sleep once i’m in the bed— sometimes it takes hours just to fall asleep.

the TAO has offered me such grace when it comes to my insomniac bedtime woes. though getting into the bed is still a test of will, once i’m on that cozy warm mat, falling asleep is not an issue anymore. sometimes it even helps me feel more rested than i would otherwise on less sleep.

on a recent night, i got to my mat-bed in a particularly stressed out and buzzy mindframe and wasn’t falling asleep as easily. i got a bit worried. and somehow suddenly, i found myself looking back at my mania realizing it had faded slightly; little by little, i felt the mat slowly coaxing off the layers and soon enough, i was at ease and asleep.

because you need to “preheat” the mat to your desired temperature, i don’t normally fire it up in the middle of the day. but a couple weeks ago, i came home super pissed and depleted and decided to take an afternoon nap. it took me a minute to chill out, even on the mat, but eventually it did bring me down and comfort me. i’ve got to say that comfort— this “there, there” feel as your nervous system chills out— is a major thing i’ve received from the TAO.

my nightly routine

it takes about an hour to preheat the TAO 8040 to its highest setting, so when i get up to preheat my mat every evening, i’m also making an intention for my bedtime. i opt for the high heat to really help me relax and shed the physical and mental stress of the day. having those moments to really feel my aches come alive as they respond to the heat remind me that i’m alive, that i have a body, and i need to pay attention to it more. then after 20-30 minutes, i turn the heat down to a safe temperature for sleeping and pretty quickly knock out. 

it’s kind of a miracle compared to what i was dealing with right before i got the mat. in fact, i think that’s why i’ve slept on it every night— because falling asleep without it feels like it could be a crapshoot. to that end, one of the nights that i felt like i wanted to sleep on my bed, i wound myself down on the mat first and then quickly got into bed so i could ride that relaxation wave into sleep.

a formal-ish summary of benefits

broadly, the various mats under healthyline’s “inframat pro” umbrella can be used for supporting general wellness, balancing one’s biological systems, and detoxification. as a more targeted treatment tool, the mats can be used for pain and symptom management for a variety of illnesses and conditions. 

one of the seemingly universal effects of many of these mats, especially those in the TAO series, is deep relaxation and anxiety relief. better sleep, improved mood, and a general sense of wellbeing are also benefits that many, if not most people, are likely to experience.

for those who are wellness practitioners, a healthyline mat could prove a useful addition to your place of practice. as we know, a relaxed body-mind is more receptive to bodywork and wellness treatments such as acupuncture, reiki, massage, and beyond; this receptivity could also open way for deepening the work in a given session.

the concept of receptivity is especially interesting when we look at it from the vantage point of brainwaves. the TAO, for example, can help bring a person into high theta or low alpha brainwave states— those present in deep relaxation, meditation, immediately upon waking, and just before falling asleep. these are known as receptive states and are ideal for healing work because the mechanical mind is quieted, and the subconscious becomes more present, activated, and malleable for clearing and shifting energetic patterning that no longer serves.

because the TAO is layered with so many different therapies— gemstone, far-infrared, negative ion, and PEMF— its possible benefits are not only vast, they also hold the potential to be mutually supportive. collectively, the therapies in the TAO can help harmonize one back to their natural human biorhythm, promote blood circulation, facilitate oxygenation of tissues + the brain, help energize + repair cells, assist repair of nerves + tissues + bones, reduce inflammation, and generally support the repair and maintenance of a variety of foundational biological systems. this upgrade and harmonization of one’s physiology can then in turn can alleviate symptoms of various illness.

notes on wellness consumerism

and even with all the potential benefits, i find it imperative to say that it’s important to be abundantly mindful when it comes to wellness-related purchases. as we’ve all hopefully heard in some way or another by now, having all the crystals in the world won’t “save” us— it’s the inner work and leading a healthy lifestyle that counts the most. various tools can absolutely help us along our process, significantly even; but if we aren’t addressing root causes, we’ll simply find ourselves perpetually treating symptoms. while this can get more complicated when we’re talking about chronic issues, the importance of minding root cause the best you can still holds. so while these mats can offer profound benefits, let this serve as a loving reminder to keep an honest perspective of your personal situation, your motivations, and your intentions when considering this or any wellness product or service.

my friends have a moment

over the course of these last couple months, i had a few friends over to try my TAO 8040. here’s what it was like for them:

ashleigh came with me to the healthyline showroom for my second visit. this was before i received the mat for my home; i was excited to share my experience with a friend who i thought would appreciate the mat. per usual, ashleigh had been non-stop traveling and working. i think she’d maybe arrived on a flight to nyc the night before and hadn’t really slept at all. she told me that her experience on the TAO helped compensate for her lack of rest notably and as someone who has to regularly manage her anxiety, it was most relaxed she’d felt in a long time. to boot, she said it was one of the most relaxing things she’d ever done.

melissa ended up being the very first person on my own mat (before even me) after she mentioned being in chronic pain from plantar fasciitis. she’d recently completed the topaz surgery and was in physical therapy showing marginal improvement with her pain and mobility. at the time, she shared that her experience on the mat was the most effective thing so far in alleviating her pain. melissa shares directly:

my condition has required pills, surgery, and physical therapy three times a week just to be managed. there have been days in which I couldn’t walk a couple blocks to my subway stop without limping. yet after only a blissful hour on the mat, i was immediately able to feel a difference. tendons in my foot that are usually extremely tight were pliable, and the next day i was able to do yoga poses that I haven’t been able enjoy in over a year. don’t get me wrong— the mat isn’t a magic bullet. recovery from any chronic pain condition is long and slow, and requires concerted effort. but the mat may just hold space for you in a way allows that recovery to happen.

isaac was hanging out during melissa’s session and decided to try out the mat for a quick second. when he was done, he was so chill that he had to take a minute to reorient himself to the room. he also thought he was on it for 15 minutes when he was was actually out for 45.

boyuan came over to take a break from the trauma of being amidst displacement from her home; she recounted, “i was in a space of total rage, and within minutes, the mat redistributed my energy throughout my body, and evened me out; specifically, there was a lot of heat in my head, and that was redistributed and also dissipated. i was brought into a relaxed state pretty quickly, and was able to find my breath again. it also grounded me— i could feel that in my feet.”

cara hopped onto the mat for an impromptu session before our friend date with boyuan. she shared, “i couldn’t believe that i could feel the energetic vibrations through my entire body. it was both relaxing and renewing. it was the first time i could lay on my back comfortably without incredible pain in my shoulder caused by a labral tear. it was also great for meditation. i would highly recommend it to anyone seeking relaxation or relief from an injury.”

broadly breaking down individual therapies

the model i chose, the TAO 8040, combines a few different therapies into one mat. below is a high level recap of some potential benefits of each therapy and a bit about how they all work. to note, most healthyline mats contain at least a couple of these therapies. creating this part felt like writing a term paper and took the longest, but i did it because i really want to make this information as accessible as possible for you. and now this can be a reference for me to look back on for quick facts myself!

gemstone therapy (via tourmaline, amethyst, and obsidian)

  • the TAO 8040 contains

    • 17 lbs crushed amethyst

    • 2 lbs crushed tourmaline

    • 2 lbs crushed obsidian

  • the foundational mechanism for delivering far-infrared rays and negative ions are the crystals (or gemstones) contained in each mat

  • in addition to the therapies these crystals help produce, the heated stones themselves promote blood circulation and relief of muscle and joint pain a la “hot stone therapy”

    • proper blood circulation supports essential bodily functions by allowing oxygen and nutrients to be efficiently delivered to our organs

  • for those of us otherwise familiar with crystals, we also know that crystals alone provide powerful body-mind and metaphysical benefits of their own. some of the hallmark virtues of each stone in the TAO:

    • tourmaline: grounding; purifying— protects from and clears lower-vibratory energies (including challenging emotions) within and without; promotes vitality, mental clarity, & self-confidence

    • obsidian: grounding & centering; purifying— protects from and clears lower-vibratory energies (including challenging emotions) within and without; brings forth truth

    • amethyst: one of the most versatile healing crystals with a huge array of benefits; soothes nervous system & relieves anxiety; balances emotions; protects from and transmutes lower-vibratory energies within and without; invites inner wisdom & higher understanding; supports various physical functions & general health

far-infrared therapy

  • far-infrared helps revitalize the human body in a way similar to photosynthesis

    • fun fact: sunlight serves as our natural daily source of far infrared rays

  • far-infrared promotes general wellness. can help:

    • calm and alleviate stress

    • reduce fatigue, improve focus, and increase energy levels

    • improve quality of sleep

  • far-infrared supports the function of the body’s various systems, depending on where applied, by:

    • increasing blood circulation

    • promoting oxygenation

    • relieving inflammation

    • natural detoxification: reducing water retention and eliminating metals 

      • particularly when the TAO is used to create a sauna-like experience with a mylar/foil blanket over the body

  • far-infrared is cool for pain relief!

    • helps relieve pain and stiffness in muscles and joints

    • reported to help alleviate discomfort associated with arthritis, lower back pain, muscle spasms, everyday aches, sprains, and strains

    • unlike traditional heating pads that only reach the surface of the skin, far-infrared heat penetrates 4-6 inches into the body, allowing for deep tissue and muscle relaxation

negative ion therapy

  • negative ions are in nature and our every day lives

    • we’re surrounded by feel-good negative ions in the mountains, the forest, and in even greater quantities near large bodies of water like lakes, beaches, and waterfalls

    • more accessible everyday sources of negative ions include steamy showers and thunderstorms, with both leave us feeling refreshed as a result of this exposure

  • negative ions promote general wellness and help to:

    • lift our mood and energy

    • relax and de-stress

    • oxygenate the brain and clear the mind

    • improve the quality of sleep

    • detoxify the body and improve its function

    • purify air in an environment

    • facilitate clear and optimal breathing function

    • normalize serotonin levels

    • nourish the bloodstream

  • positive ions are not the good ones

    • positive ions are produced by the technology of our daily lives (laptops, mobile phones, laundry machines, hair dryers, fluorescent lights, etc) as well as environmental contaminants like toxins, allergens, viruses, pollution, and dust

    • a prevalence of positive ions will reduce the amount of negative ions in the same environment, a common quandary of modern life, especially in cities

    • too many positive ions and thus too few negative ions can contribute to:

      • getting sick more often

      • lethargy and decreased productivity

      • low mood

      • headaches

  • more negative ions can help combat and reduce the positive ions in your body and your environment

    • negative and positive ions attract one other and cancel each other out

    • the result of less positive ions and more negative ions serves to reduce harm and increase healing

PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field) therapy

  • what is PEMF and how does it work?

    • the electromagnetic fields (EMFs) most commonly cautioned against are the kind produced by man-made things like wifi routers, power lines, mobile phones, household appliances, and other electrically charged devices

    • not all electromagnetic fields are bad; for example, the earth, the sun, and the human body each naturally produce electromagnetic fields

    • healthyline mats containing pulsed electromagnetic field (PEMF) technology are tuned to 7.8hz and deliver this frequency via a pulsed sinusoidal waveform

      • 7.8hz is the same frequency of the earth, which also closely matches the human biorhythm

      • recognizing this parallel offers insight into why setting our feet on the earth has such a deeply grounding and stabilizing effect on us; we can also see why exposing ourselves to this frequency via a healthyline mat could have a similar impact

    • by increasing the spin of electrons and creating impact on a cellular level, PEMF works to restore, improve, and maintain the body’s function holistically

  • PEMF fun facts:

    • healthyline holds the sole patent for offering far-infrared therapy together with PEMF therapy in a single gemstone mat experience

    • NASA uses PEMF therapy to help its astronauts reacclimate to earth and heal from the impact of residing in a non-native environment (aka space)

  • overall, PEMF can help:

    • heal the dysregulation of our systems caused by everyday exposure to EMFs via electronics by clearing out their interfering frequencies

    • support overall wellbeing by stimulating individual cells and restoring them to proper function

    • relax the nervous system while simultaneously improving vitality

    • reduce pain, stiffness, and swelling

      • including from new injuries, surgery, and minor chronic conditions

    • accelerate recovery time for injuries

      • with bone recovery, nerve repair, range of motion 

    • strengthen the immune system

    • reduce inflammation

    • remove blockages and stagnation in the body

    • expand blood vessels and thereby improve circulation wherever applied

    • amplify the impact of other pain relief treatments (i.e. far-infrared therapy)

try it for yourself for free

healthyline mats come in many different sizes, styles, and price points and combine various iterations of therapies. some of their mats offer yet another therapy i haven’t yet mentioned (it’s not in the TAO 8040)— it’s called photon light therapy.

i should add that the TAO 8040 is kind of a “big & tall” size that i opted for because i like the roominess. their standard large size TAO is a bit shorter and narrower— and also a couple hundred bucks cheaper than mine. also, a reminder that only the “firm” TAO models include PEMF.

if you want to try a couple of healthyline’s most popular mats— including the exact one i own— at their manhattan showroom (41 west 36th street), just roll up for a free 20 minute session. no appointment needed! you can also take the opportunity to ask all the questions your heart desires. they’re open 10am-7pm every day.

also know that healthyline offers a 45-day risk-free trial. this basically means that you can try a healthyline mat for at least a month and return it for a full refund— minus the cost of return shipping— if you don’t like it or don’t want it for any reason.

do your own research + safety precautions

i advise that you do at least a little of your own research, be mindful of safety precautions, and take note of contraindications. the healthyline website is a great place to start.

discount code + donation of proceeds

yay! if you decide to go for one of these lil dudes, hop over to healthyline.com and use the below discount code at checkout for 10% off and free shipping. from how i understand it, this code is good foreverrrr:

seher10s

for any purchases made through november 15 using the above code, i’ll be donating all my affiliate earnings to a yet-to-be-determined charity or organization focusing on wellness and/or social good.

leave your questions in the comments

drop your questions in the comments. i’ll keep a closer look for the next week to answer your questions (publicly for everyone’s benefit). afterwards, i may leave you to your own devices!

anxiety on 12,000

whose anxiety has been on 12,000 over 2018 + 2019? i’ll often get overwhelming waves of full body or full head buzzing, chaotic energy. it’s incredibly destabilizing and at times debilitating. sometimes it’ll also make me sad because it feels like so much.

it can be challenging to distinguish if it’s coming from me, the collective, the universal energetic shifts, some other shit, or a little bit of everything. and trying to make that discernment amidst the frenetic overwhelm is its own feat.

i know it’s in my own hands to do my practices more, both from a preventative and diagnostic standpoint. in many ways, i know what to do and i don’t— that’s a discussion for another time.

all said, i’m curious to hear from you. how have you been relating to anxiety, spirituality, metaphysics, and the wild energies of the last couple years? what are your favorite anxiety prevention + relief tools? we can never have too many :)

much love <3

remember to exhale

some years ago, a therapist told me that i tend to subconsciously hold my breath. i learned that this habit comes from subconscious anxiety (probably amongst other things) and that such limiting of my oxygen intake can erode my health over time. i was paying attention.

now when i catch myself— which is typically daily— i let out a big, big exhale.

and then i let in a big deep breath and exhale again— slowly or swiftly, whatever is needed in the moment.

i often say to myself, “exhale exhale exhale.”

this becomes a pretty powerful opportunity for in-the-moment awareness as well. i might ask myself:

  • what am i “holding my breath” about?
  • or, what am i holding onto?
  • what am i afraid will happen?
  • is there something i’m secretly dreading?
  • what am i hiding from?
  • what might be making me feel tense or uneasy?
  • do i feel unsafe right now? why?
  • am i disallowing flow and trust in this moment somehow?
  • am i simply holding onto generic anxiety because that’s what i’m used to?

what often arises upon answering any of these questions is a realization of some sort of subconscious “clenching.” typically, this clenching— or bracing— is the result of repetitive thoughts or beliefs about the “reality” of our world, our lives, ourselves being erroneously deemed truth and subsequently embedded as a broken record in our subconscious.

once we recognize this subconscious fight or flight (or freeze) loop is silently draining our life force, our exhale allows us to gently recognize and release our false narratives, moment by moment.

exhale and let go, loves. i’m doing it right here with you <3

i don’t owe anyone my inner world

upon deciding that i wanted to talk a bit about my depression that consumed the second half of my 2017, it took me a moment to realize that my previous post was in part about the bliss i was able to connect with earlier in that same year. i also recalled how the bliss itself was borne in response to pain. all around, the duality of that year was profound.

over the course of 2018, i couldn’t quite comprehend what the fuck 2017 was. because 2018 was confusing as all hell on its own; it was this extended sense of being suspended in transience, which i was aware of the whole time and simultaneously knew that it wasn’t something i could control or fight. i just had to be in this long ass incubation period of what felt like a whole lot of nothingness.

i still don’t have enough distance from 2018 to have much clarity on what quite happened— but my sense is that my system was integrating the rollercoaster of transformational experiences and deaths/rebirths that 2016 and 2017 brought me.

now having some distance from 2017, however, i can see what an important example of duality it was. it’s fascinating to know that what we view as opposite or polar are never too far apart— particularly with the recognition that duality itself is a construct. the only thing that is actually true and real is oneness.

i remember being awe struck by the daoist view of impermanence and the ever-changing nature of what we view to be opposite or contrasting; for example, light is not light but light-becoming-dark and dark is not dark but dark-becoming-light. because everything is constantly shifting, a static assumption or prescription upon anything is essentially inaccurate and moot. it’s deep and something i’m still unpacking.

existential interlude aside, i want to share a couple stories related to my experience with depression— particularly within the framework of vulnerability, authenticity, and personal boundaries.

to first offer some foundational context: i was on and off depressed from 15-25, then was totally in the pits from 25-27, and started therapy at 27 in 2010. i felt the depression pretty much fully lift after my first eight months of therapy and my first two months of a naturopathic regimen for my neurotransmitter imbalances. since then, i’ve had depressive dips for a week or two on a handful of occasions over the years and one few month long very low point around early 2013.

what i experienced in 2017 was the longest and most nuanced, shape-shifting, unrelenting depressive period i’ve experienced since what brought me to therapy in 2010. shit was real as fuck. basically, a succession of deeply traumatic and very unpleasant challenging things happened back to back to back— it took me out and knocked me all the way off center.

thankfully, i had my awareness tools to keep from completely going off the deep end, but i was literally teetering on the very edge of that hole for months. it took all my energy to at least just stay teetering and not fall in. after several months, i got two steps away from the hole— my awareness allowed me to measure that— and it took everything in me for another several months to maintain those two steps away from the hole. sometime in the first quarter of 2018, i felt like i got beyond two steps and finally was able to feel more grounded and self-possessed.

in fall 2016, i started sharing my poem-quote things and occasional reflective thoughts on instagram; some people decided i was wise and woke and zen and shit. i am, thanks. i’m also human and have eccentricities and quirks and seeming inconsistencies and personal boundaries. though that may be confusing for some, i get to contain all of that and still be authentic and in integrity.

in fall 2017, during the peak of the aforementioned deep depressive period, i ran into an acquaintance at an event.

she asked me how i was and before i could answer, she said something to the effect of, “and i know you being you, you’re gonna keep it real and not just be like, ‘i’m great!’ if you’re not.” i know she meant to be complimentary, but it was not what i needed to hear in the moment.

in those months, my whole life had been consumed around salvaging my mood the best i possibility could; my own thoughts on ‘how i was doing’ were already encroaching on my space in my alone time. i had decided in advance to do my best to act as if i was okay during this event— because that’s what i needed; i needed a goddamn break.

i got extremely uncomfortable and began wondering if i was inauthentic because i didn’t want to put energy on naming that i wasn’t well. i wanted to answer that i was good and move on to some other type of conversation that i could actually enjoy.

i told myself that saying “good” was true in a sense; because ultimately, i am always alright. and at that time, i was simply experiencing an ebb of my human experience.

i think my discomfort with her remark and my ensuing internal conflict blew my cover; i’m quite certain she felt my reservation and unease when i said “good.” it changed the vibe. and i mostly didn’t care. i wasn’t there to cater to her vision of me.

i chose my self-preservation. and that’s what i’ll choose in the vast majority of cases. i know how useless and even harmful i can be when i’m unwell and not tending to my needs. when i’m real low, any filter i’ve got to maintain a semblance of normalcy and civility with the outside world is paper thin— i know this.

i don’t think we need to feel obligated to say we’re feeling unwell while we are still amidst that experience; it doesn’t help my healing to put energy on a given challenging thing that i’m already working on for the sake of updating someone— especially an acquaintance—perfectly truthfully.

when i’m not intentionally going into my shadow to do work, i want to focus on light to help raise my vibration. note, there is a distinction between mindfully raising my vibration and avoidance/distraction.

online and on social media, there’s a  pressure to name our precise reality while we are still inside of a challenging time— in the spirit of “vulnerability” and “authenticity.” nah.

internet and instagram vulnerability culture has distorted our vision on boundaries and what actually constitutes healthy sharing. this culture, which can also be beautiful, has also somehow allowed certain folks to think that they have license to our inner worlds.

our own vulnerability isn’t supposed to harm us. and it isn’t a service to others if we are self-sacrificing our health to share before we feel ready.

important: vulnerability online isn’t a replacement for professional help if you think you might need that. no shame in it— i’ve been in some form of therapy or another for a decade.

some things are only meant for specific people and specific communities in my life. and even then, that doesn’t mean i ever owe *anyone* anything i don’t feel called to share. for more introverted folk like me, certain things may be meant for us alone (and perhaps a therapist or healer, if inclined).

basically, we don’t owe the internet shit— least of all our bleeding hearts. <3

living the feeling first: a means to manifestation

i’ve been thinking about joy lately, especially as it being a way of manifesting our dreams even before they materially come to fore;

a couple nights ago, i picked up the book creating money by sanaya roman after a long while. i re-read my notes and a bit more of the book. i’m only about 20 pages in; i tend to read very intentionally, stop to reflect a lot, and simultaneously take notes.

in my review, i was reminded of a powerful perspective shift:

i manifest best when i choose to *right now* genuinely live out the higher qualities i believe money (or whatever i’m looking to manifest) will bring into my life.

an exercise + illustration:

  • think of something you’d like to manifest

  • what higher qualities do you think that manifestation will bring into you and your life?

  • what are some easily accessible ways you can bring those qualities into your life now— today, this week, in this moment?

unfolding the perspective shift:

  • i want more money because i believe it will bring me freedom.

  • i realize that i can also easily access the feeling of freedom when i’m being silly, when i’m being fully myself, when i see children being free, when i deeply connect with someone in a way that i can almost touch the entire universe in that moment

  • when i choose to be in the vibration of freedom *now*, i am calling in the matching/correlating vibration of that which i desire. and because i am coming from a place of authentic connection to source, i am simultaneously manifesting 1) what i *really, actually* want and 2) more precisely for my highest good.

before finding this book, i intuitively created a similar practice and paired it with intentional action towards manifesting the money i needed. with this way, i catapulted myself out of major, heart-wrenching brokenness in early 2017.

it was a time where every other day i was getting notices of bills being declined, my credit cards were maxed out, i had no idea how i’d be paying rent, and my cash was just enough to feed myself.  it was the closest i’d ever been to feeling like i could soon be out of choices— and would possibly need to move back to cali to live with my parents.

i decided that if this was it, i was going to respond in the best way i possibly could and opt out of weaponizing my pain against myself. i was going to live my best life with what i had been given. it almost felt like that choice was all i had left.

i chose to:

  1. live in joy anyway, because i was alive— that was something i did have

  2. try my best to turn things around— i did have agency over my actions

  3. accept any outcome with grace— i always have a choice in how to respond

from this space, i found myself the happiest and most magnetic i had ever been— socially, financially, and with the opportunities that flowed to me like a force of nature (because it literally was).

since then, my path has ebbed and flowed as i continue to dismantle old programming and belief systems. however, now i have the gift of the experience and evidence of what is possible. i know what i can access when i am in flow. i know that making *who i choose to show up as* my starting point is what truly creates the type of life-affirming magic that is beyond dreams.

the belief that something outside of us will give us the higher qualities we desire is false; if we do end up manifesting what we think we want while we are out of alignment, it’s always ultimately a lesson of some sort. sometimes we can be taken through a long journey before we realize we are still unhappy and unfulfilled. think about the loads of celebrities who have all their “dreams” come true, only to feel more alone and lost than ever. most might not show it, but this phenomenon is very very real.

dreams without grounding in your higher qualities usually end up empty.

if i lack freedom in my life already— before having the money i desire— deep down i will continue to lack freedom even once i have said money; that is, until i practice cultivating freedom from within and with what is already available to me.

so, let’s ask ourselves:

how am i choosing to engage my most basic blessings on a day to day?

how am i showing up as “the person i think i’ll be when i have everything i want” *today*— right now, in this moment?

much love <3

seher.co is here and this is why

photo // self portrait

photo // self portrait

writing this is the most nerve-wracking shit i’ve done in a while. in anticipation, i ate a whole meal and drank some water just before starting. still, i find myself dizzy. heart’s beating fast. something like public speaking jitters except the only thing i’m actually facing in this moment is myself. maybe it’s not so peculiar; our relationship with ourselves is ultimately the most frightening and highest stakes one of all. 

putting myself out there to the internet world is requiring me to more firmly own myself and the things i am about to share.

launching this new website means many things to me at once:

  • self acceptance and stepping into my name
  • getting out of my own way and honoring my work
  • owning both what i know and what i don’t know about my purpose
  • taking what i do know and formally claiming a career pivot
  • a jumping off point for projects that embrace my skills and interests more fully
  • a platform with the intentionality to communicate who i am and what i stand for

this site will be a living representation of my personal and professional metamorphosis in progress. you will find projects popping up in my new ‘projects’ section that may involve photography or have nothing to do with photography at all. this site is me officially giving myself license to do whatever the fuck i want — and a declaration to others of the dynamism and relationship with the unknown i intend to fully embrace.

and this blog will perhaps be the thread that weaves it all together. just like everything, i have no concrete plans for it. the possibilities: anything and everything on my mind and in my world. a window into my process and my path to purpose. still, definitely open, fluid, and real.

i bought this domain about two and a half years ago, just because i thought it would be good to own my name in this way online. i began to consider that it might be nice to move my website to this URL. soon, that tiny thought became a decided leaning towards changing my business name and web address to just “seher.” rehes creative just didn’t fit anymore, and by some miracle, i felt this unfamiliar pull to embrace my given name.

i spent most of my adult life brushing off compliments about how pretty my name is because it was never something i believed myself. apathy probably better described our relationship. i was teased for my name from childhood through high school and in retrospect, it came to represent the many ways i was different and didn’t fit in; i’d wrapped up much of my not-good-enough-ness in it. i realized that in naming myself “rehes” (my name backwards), it was my subconscious trying to hide from myself and the shame that came with my name.

i quickly became clear that owning “seher” represented a deeper shift: i was ready to more fully own and accept myself.

i started thinking about my name, particularly in the vein of career shifts i’d been thinking about. seher translates to dawn. i thought about beginnings, the sun; i realized my personal work of the last two years had lead me to explore coming into myself as an initiator, an illuminator. i’d also recently learned that my name in german means seer; another connection — i had spent the last two years deeply awakening to my intuition and inner knowing.

the inherent resonance my given name shares with the true self i have been unfolding gave me profound pause.

an intuitive initiator and illuminator; sharing and championing the truth of things, the truth of us — that is, in fact, what i care about most. writing this, i am in awe once again.

i’ve shared a bit about finding my purpose and exploring a career pivot on social media. recently, i wrote:

i’m coming to see myself more as a thinker, artistic communicator, and facilitator for the universal good. where i’m going, photography and writing — amongst other skills i intend to conscientiously develop — are simply my tools for self expression, individual/community/global healing, and mobilization towards social change. these values form the root of all things for me now — not photography, not writing, nor any other skill or talent i may possess.

i’ve spent the last couple years engaging in deep spiritual work to identify my life’s purpose and true gifts. upon getting a grasp on the general themes, it quickly became clear that my career needed to shift; as far as what the details look like, i accept that i cannot force the natural process of inner awakening — it’s all still a work in progress.

during this period, my relationship with photography has constantly been hazy and in flux; figuring out how to redefine my relationship with photography as i explore a somewhat nebulous career pivot is a constant challenge.

the last couple years found me frequently disconnected from photography and even resenting it; in so desperately wanting to figure out the complete picture of my purpose, photography oftentimes felt like a mindless distraction. so through all that, it feels really great to be able to say that this new site and the new work i’m sharing are something i feel proud of. i don't take time to do that too often — stop to feel proud of myself and celebrate myself. 

going through the labor of launching this site and framing it in a way that leaves open space for the other pieces of me and my talents that are slowly emerging — for me, it’s fuel. to look at work that i like is affirmation that i do want to keep shooting and reclaim my relationship with photography — reincarnating it into something that more fully speaks to my spirit and that of others.

as i continue my process of personal discovery, i am constantly updating what i think is exactly my purpose. right now, how i’ve chosen to phrase it is:

using art, media, and community building to promote personal healing and social equality.

i see personal transformation and healing as powerful catalysts for activism and social change. in some way, i also see my work exploring this important intersection. where i currently stand, the issues closest to my heart are social equality for women and people of color, and personal healing as it relates to mental health and the body-mind connection (subtle energy stuff).

in expanding the scope of my work, i have natural strengths i’m looking to exercise and develop. these include: idea generation, creative problem solving, facilitation (people + groups + ideas), storytelling (speaking + writing + photography), leadership, strategic planning, and building safe community spaces.

to help me do this, i am looking to connect with people working in progressive and interdisciplinary spaces in the arts, media, personal healing, and social equality. i’d like to partner with people and/or organizations already doing work in this realm — even in a volunteer capacity — to inform my career pivot and process of personal discovery by diving into the work itself. i want to begin exercising my entire skill set, contribute towards meaningful causes, get a lay of the land, and connect with like minded individuals. 

if anyone is willing and able to make an introduction, i would love to link with any relevant people, organizations, or companies. even if only for an informational interview! 

in any case — my deep gratitude to you for reading this far. and to so many of you — thank you for believing in me and in my work countless times where inside i was secretly at war with both. you've kept me going.