what if's, avoidance, and magic.

what if your avoidance

of what if’s

is keeping you from the magic

of the unknown?

does continuing to stuff yourself into an uncomfortable but familiar box still work well enough for you?

how much energy is it taking you to keep contorting yourself for that damn box that you don’t even like?

over, and over, and over.

how much are you willing to give up to insist on half-living your life?

how much are you willing to let fear rule you in exchange for fleeting senses of security?

it’s exhausting to keep trying to tape shit back together, yeah?

you don’t know what you don’t know; take a leap into the infinity of the unknown, remembering that from nothingness is all else born.

roll the dice. go higher. go left instead of right. blow up the comfortable shit that makes you small.

do it for the you of your dreams.

the you that you don’t fully believe exists but really just might.

treat it as a radical experiment. you don’t have to believe yet to try.

gratitude?

you know how everyone’s been talking about being mad grateful for what they do have right now? i didn’t really relate— and still don’t always— when folks talk about gratitude. i felt and still sometimes feel shame for ‘being an ungrateful ass.’

here’s the thing: honesty with your emotions is super important right now (and in general). it can be hard to connect with gratitude when you are trying to survive in your own right, when you are ANGRY, when you feel betrayed, confused, resentful, lost, abandoned. by the system, for starters.

some of us are anxious, depressed, barely functional and just trying to hold it together. that’s okay. lovingly and gently witness that without wallowing in it. there is a difference. remain aware, compassionate, and PERSIST. you *will* ultimately move through.

our journeys and feelings that come with are relative to self. always remember that when you try to judge yourself and compare.

gratitude is absolutely a valuable and powerful practice, but if you’re not connecting with it, that is perfectly alright. you can try again later— or not. many paths, y’all.

if you don’t feel gratitude right now, allow the other emotions that are currently present within you to exist. don’t go into shame if you can help it— shame actually happens to be the least supportive emotion. if you’re in shame, witness that compassionately as well. we’ve all been there.

feel like screaming or taking a very long nap or both? i’m tired, too. you’re allowed to be fucking pissed.

anger is a catalyst and can be a turning point if consciously harnessed. anger is also recognized as the beginnings of change on the hawkins scale, which measures the relative energetic frequencies of emotions.

the point is to not *stay* angry or in our lower vibrational emotions. we get to use such emotions instead as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and practice self-compassion. from here, we begin to find our way through— and beyond. to our true selves, to our peace.

you were made to breathe easy

watch a sleeping baby breathe, and you’ll notice their belly effortlessly rise and fall with each inhale and exhale— it’s automatic. babies naturally breathe deeply.

who cares about deep breathing? stress relief cares, for one.

and oxygen isn’t just to keep us alive, either; like water, an ample supply is needed to keep our biological systems running as they should.

breath is also our first line to replenishing our life force energy. breath it is our birthright.

the traumas and stresses of life eventually bring most of us out of our natural deep breathing flow, and as a result, we typically become shallow breathers— even breath holders— as we grow older. no bueno. good news is that we can re-train ourselves to breathe abundantly!

know how singers are trained to sing from their diaphragms and not their throats? similarly, deep breath comes from the diaphragm and has a few names: diaphragmatic breathing, abdominal breathing, or belly breathing.

fun: i’ve been told that one of the reasons the buddha statues often have a large belly is to indicate all the abundant life force he held. clearly from all that good ass breathing.

alright, so for those of you who want to try some good ass breathing. lie down, get real cozy, and put your hand on your belly. imagine you are filling up the ballon that is your belly. practice inhaling slowly, feeling your belly expand, and then exhaling slowly, feeling your belly contract. play with seeing how far you can fill your belly up.

you might notice that as your belly is expanding and contracting, your chest is also automatically rising and falling along with it to a certain extent. on that note, here’s a second version to try: 

put one hand on your belly and the other on your chest. now on a big long inhale,  first fill up your belly, then your abdomen / rib cage area, and then your chest. they’ll all kind of fluidly rise along with one another, becoming most pronounced once you intentionally reach each respective point. slowly on the exhale, begin the release of air in your belly, then your abdomen, and finally your chest; feel them collapse as you go along.

the first time i did the second breathing exercise for about 10+ minutes, i felt super relaxed and high off of the oxygen— my body had become unaccustomed to that much oxygen!

soon after that first experience, i began using this deep breathing technique when i wanted to inquire about something with my higher self; it’s a really great way to deeply relax, quiet my mechanical mind, and make way for my subconscious / higher self to speak.

if you’re looking for a deeper dive into a similar deep breathing method, look up “pranic breathing.” last time i checked, there’s a book and an audio guide.

the more we practice deep breathing, the more that information is strengthened in both our conscious and subconscious, which makes it more possible for such breathing to begin to occur on its own. whether practiced more formally during a designated time period, on the fly whenever we remember, or in a stressful moment, it's all valuable.

now go get the life force, health, and wisdom that's yours to claim. <3

anxiety on 12,000

whose anxiety has been on 12,000 over 2018 + 2019? i’ll often get overwhelming waves of full body or full head buzzing, chaotic energy. it’s incredibly destabilizing and at times debilitating. sometimes it’ll also make me sad because it feels like so much.

it can be challenging to distinguish if it’s coming from me, the collective, the universal energetic shifts, some other shit, or a little bit of everything. and trying to make that discernment amidst the frenetic overwhelm is its own feat.

i know it’s in my own hands to do my practices more, both from a preventative and diagnostic standpoint. in many ways, i know what to do and i don’t— that’s a discussion for another time.

all said, i’m curious to hear from you. how have you been relating to anxiety, spirituality, metaphysics, and the wild energies of the last couple years? what are your favorite anxiety prevention + relief tools? we can never have too many :)

much love <3

remember to exhale

some years ago, a therapist told me that i tend to subconsciously hold my breath. i learned that this habit comes from subconscious anxiety (probably amongst other things) and that such limiting of my oxygen intake can erode my health over time. i was paying attention.

now when i catch myself— which is typically daily— i let out a big, big exhale.

and then i let in a big deep breath and exhale again— slowly or swiftly, whatever is needed in the moment.

i often say to myself, “exhale exhale exhale.”

this becomes a pretty powerful opportunity for in-the-moment awareness as well. i might ask myself:

• what am i “holding my breath” about?

• or, what am i holding onto?

• what am i afraid will happen?

• is there something i’m secretly dreading?

• what am i hiding from?

• what might be making me feel tense or uneasy?

• do i feel unsafe right now? why?

• am i disallowing flow and trust in this moment somehow?

• am i simply holding onto generic anxiety because that’s what i’m used to?

what often arises upon answering any of these questions is a realization of some sort of subconscious “clenching.” typically, this clenching— or bracing— is the result of repetitive thoughts or beliefs about the “reality” of our world, our lives, ourselves being erroneously deemed truth and subsequently embedded as a broken record in our subconscious.

once we recognize this subconscious fight or flight (or freeze) loop is silently draining our life force, our exhale allows us to gently recognize and release our false narratives, moment by moment.

exhale and let go, loves. i’m doing it right here with you <3